There's a first time for everything

Bryan called home at 8:30am yesterday to see what the kids and I had planned for the day. I said I really didn't know, but thought we should do something special since the weather was perfect and the day before had kept us busy in doctor's offices and labs. Plus, I didn't want to sit around staring at the phone all day waiting for the doctor to call. Bryan suggested the zoo, so the kids and I started making our plan! Fifteen minutes later, the phone rang again and I was surprised to see that it was the doctor's office. CHEST X-RAYS CAME BACK CLEAR! We are still waiting for the lab results to come in, and Luke is reluctantly taking his "very yucky" medicine twice a day. Zach has junior golf this morning, so we will go straight to the doctor to have the TB results read once golf is over. After that I think we'll stop by WalMart to pick up some water guns for Luke's birthday party next week. My kids would be delighted to talk your ear off about this much anticipated "Spiderman water party".

So... Today was a day of firsts. The kids and I drove an hour away to visit the zoo... This is not the zoo closest to our house, but it's small enough that you can walk the entire thing in two hours, the animals are close enough that you can really get a good look, it has a great park across the street - plus we have friends that we were trying to visit while we were out that way. We have been to this zoo several times before, but I'd never taken the kids by myself and, for some reason, we'd never been to the park!

We'd never noticed this bench before. Luke took one look at it, raced over, laid down and said, "I'm a monkey!" He LOVES monkeys!

I've been to a lot of zoos, but I've never been this close to a tiger. It had me wondering just how thick that glass is.

Mama and her three-week-old baby. Zach loves giraffes, so he was so happy to meet this newest addition to the zoo.

He's still a monkey!

Earlier this year, the hippo that had been at this zoo for 42 years passed away. When we were here in February the hippo tank was empty. Today we found that a new friend had moved in!

Where did you come from? In all our walks through the tropical rainforest, we have never met this little creature.
I love Luke's body language.

Just hanging around... Another creature that apparently has always been in the rainforest - we'd just never noticed them.
And there were LOTS of them.

The boys loved feeding the ducks, something we rarely do since I hate letting animals eat out of my hand. It just seems so gross, but my boys find it delightful.

As we were leaving the zoo, the boys found some rocks to climb on (sooo not a first!)

...and a shady place to sit and watch the ducks.

The park is FULL of these huge animals for kids to climb on. They've been in the park for 30+ years and the kids just love 'em!

"My very first ride on a see-saw!" and they loved every minute of it.

A lump in Luke's neck

Eight days ago I noticed a lump in Luke's neck as I was helping him brush his teeth. We called our pediatrician and made an appointment with one of the doctors in the practice. This particular doctor is the head of their walk-in sick clinic and I really like her. She performed a very thorough physical exam, ran a CBC and checked for strep throat (he'd recently been exposed). Everything came back within the normal range, so she did her best to reassure us that it was probably just a viral infection that would need to run its course. Aside from this lump (lymph node just under the jaw line, near the ear) absolutely nothing appears to be wrong with my son.

The very next day, I had to take Luke to our local children's hospital for an unrelated issue. While we were there, I asked the doc for his opinion on the lymph node. He said all the same things the pediatrician did, "Not alarmingly large, moves around, probably just an infection." He thought it was probably bacterial as opposed to viral... Probably staph. He prescribed an antibiotic and said to call our ped if it gets any bigger or doesn't show significant signs of improvement within two weeks. Both docs used the words, "I don't think this is a bad lump", so we took comfort in that.

Last night I noticed that the lump feels larger; moving farther up towards the ear and down his neck. You can see the bulging from several feet away. (I wish I were exaggerating.) I took him back to see our ped today. She agreed that it was bigger, gave another very thorough exam and ordered a lot of labs and a chest x-ray (looking at the lymph nodes in the chest). We will go back in to have his TB test read in two days (apparently there is a strain of TB that is not upper respiratory). Part of his blood labs and the chest x-ray report will be in the ped's hands later this afternoon. The remainder of the labs will come in later this week. We don't expect the doc to call until she has them all... Until then, we wait.

While we were at our children's hospital getting all the labs done, our ped personally called a pediatric surgeon that she highly recommended. His schedule is packed, but he agreed that Luke needs to be seen sooner rather than later. (Exactly how I am supposed to take that?) He asked our ped to call in a stronger antibiotic, and said he wanted to give the labs time to come in and the new meds time to work before seeing him... So, he had his assistant fit us in next Tuesday morning.

The surgeon told our pediatrician that in all his years of surgery, he has never once seen a lymphoma present this way in such a young child. He has seen secondary lesions appear this way (secondary to a pre-existing cancer), but he believes that Luke would have been very ill for some time if he has an undiagnosed cancer. His CBC (from last week), his physical exams, his diet.... there are NO indicators other than this lump that anything is wrong with him! We are encouraged by that.

The surgeon and our pediatrician believe that this will most likely prove to be an infection. Quite possibly an infection that will end up being surgically removed, but an infection all the same.

I am so very grateful for our pediatrician. I hesitated to take Luke to the doctor today because I didn't want to inconvenience anyone if the size increase was only in my imagination. Our doctor was so kind, compassionate and thorough. I felt like she was treating Luke the way she'd treat her own child. And as my eyes welled with tears at the mention of surgery, she handed me a tissue the way a dear friend would. The nurses and technicians at the hospital were wonderful too. Their kindness and understanding made our not-so-pleasant morning bearable. My kids loved the slushes they received after Luke gave up three vials of his blood!

I have prayed constantly over these last eight days that God would make it clear to me if something is seriously wrong with him. I have prayed that I would know what I was supposed to be looking for, since I have no medical training at all. And I've prayed that our doctors would be skillful and correct, and that I'd be covered with His peace as we wait for this to be resolved. I cried on the way from our ped's office to the hospital, but managed to put on a smile for the kids when we were face to face. I'm amazed that I was able to hold Luke while his blood was drawn! That is one thing I never, in a million years, would have expected I'd be capable of. I give the credit for that to God!!

My prayers now turn to the coming week. That Luke's new meds will obviously be working (prior to our surgical consult) if this is an infection that can go away without surgery. We pray that his labs will come back with clear answers, definitely ruling things in or out. And we will pray for the knowledge and skill of the surgeon we will be meeting next Tuesday. We beg for this not to be cancer. Of course, we continue to pray for His peace and patience as we wait.

What I learned through night shift

Bryan began working a night shift, Monday thru Saturday (and some Sundays) in late February. He was offered this switch to night shift in lieu of a lay-off. We were told that it would last 3-5 weeks. It lasted SIXTEEN weeks. Considering the number of lay-offs that take place each month in Bryan's field, we are always so very grateful to even have a job. Let alone a job with as much overtime as the last year and a half has given us. Still, the long hours and much shorter weekends as a family left a lot to be desired. We made it work well for us, but we are elated to have Bryan home for evenings and weekends again.

As I slipped out of bed this morning and actually made it, it was a moment similar to slipping into a great bubble bath. Ahhhh..

Some things I learned through night shift (5pm-3am, M-Sat):

1) It is virtually impossible to make the bed when someone is almost always sleeping in it! Same goes for cleaning the master bedroom and bathroom.

2) It requires diligent effort for husband and wife to remain connected when there is very little "us" time without kids... I had no idea how much that time between the kids' bedtime and ours meant to us, until it was gone. Or even those hours of merely sleeping in the same bed at the same time!

3) The kids and I are capable of far more than I thought. Previously I'd have said that we just "couldn't handle" a packed schedule or Daddy's absence, but we had a lot going on this summer and did it all very well.

4) It is fun to have a "never say no" attitude towards invitations. We accepted every invitation that we could, and had a blast!

5) Walking, biking and swimming are great ways to pass the time, get some exercise and keep the kids in "a happy place"... These activities are also free! Evenings spent with friends and neighbors also make the time fly and are just plain fun!

(Mosquitoes have been really bad for us this summer... One thing I haven't discovered is a great insect repellent for all these evenings spent outdoors!)

6) Having Daddy volunteer in Zach's class and attend things like soccer camp, junior golf and VBS closing program were such a blessing to the boys and me. These are things his normal day schedule never permits.

7) Bryan is "indulgent" (by my definition). He goes overboard with movie snacks (we've been seeing $5 movies on Tuesday afternoons), video game rentals and "special surprises" of things like massive amounts of bubbles, water balloons, and Happy Meals. These are things Mommy almost never buys, so the kids really love this about Daddy!

That's all I can think of with two kids whizzing past me, one ready for breakfast and the other ready to head to the park. Today we are shifting our schedule; moving the evening outdoor activities to a morning activity. Good thing Taylor's mom called to invite us to the park!

Looking forward to seeing Bryan after work tonight. We can hardly wait for our first Saturday as a family (excluding vacation and holidays) since late February!

He sets the lonely in families

A friend posted a question on Facebook today about family... I think the question was, "Do you know your family?"

The branches of my family tree are pretty split and fractured. It goes way back. I was adopted by my step father, my birth father was adopted by his step father and my birth father's birth father was adopted by neighbors when his parents gave him away. By my count, that is four generations of estrangement and abandonment. Sadly, that is only a small part of the brokenness in my family.

Today, if I'm defining family by DNA relations, my family is pretty small. I even have a brother that I have never met; in fact, he probably does not even know I exist (he's my birth father's younger child, whom my birth father left on the child's 5th birthday).

After all these years, my heart aches as I write this. How can parents leave their kids so easily? Although I have been left repeatedly, I cannot answer that. As a mom, I cannot fathom it.

There has been substantial loss in my life, but the blessings are so great that I sometimes forget about the losses. Bryan and the boys give me more than I could ever have asked for or imagined. Through my relationships with them, so many wounds have been healed. The Shrader family as a whole has been very good to me, which has also been life-giving. As Bryan and I began to get more connected in our church, we discovered a body of Christ that soon became like family to us. And as I developed meaningful friendships inside and outside of the church, I found myself surrounded by even more dear "family" members.

I think family is what you make of it... More accurately, I think family is what God gives us, if only we would recognize and cherish it. It was never his design or plan for things to happen in my birth family the way that they did, but everyday was marked before it happened, so He knew what lie ahead for each of us. He planted people in my life (and no doubt the lives of my parents and other family members) who would love me and become like family, but it was up to me to recognize it, hold on to it, and nurture it.

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families." Psalm 68:5-6a

For many years I was very, very lonely. Without my knowledge or consent, God placed me in a family with Bryan. Our union was different from any other that I'd ever experienced. I knew it was family. Forever. As I embraced my forever with Bryan, it became easier to embrace a meaningful relationship with Christ. Out of that faith - in my marriage, in humanity and in Christ - our family grew by leaps and bounds!

I am not estranged from my entire family. I am in touch with a few cousins, all of my aunts and my dear brother. It's just that the loss of my parents (mom, birth father, adopted father), grandparents (birth father's side), and my younger sister have left a hole in me that I thought could never be filled; a pain that I thought could never even be lessened, let alone healed. Bryan and the kids, my in-laws and our amazing friends are not replacements for those that I have lost.... But these loved ones absolutely bless me and provide a happiness and contentment that I never knew was possible. I am generally not short on words, but they fail me when I try to express my gratitude to the Lord for this provision. He is a father to the fatherless. He sets the lonely in families. How great is our God.

Simple summer fun

As Bryan worked again last night, the kids and I headed out on a bike ride. We can see this trail from the road - and I'd heard it had a playground halfway down the trail. So, after living here for 7 1/2 years, we decided it was time to check it out.

Heading out to explore

We spot the playground!

Possibly my new favorite picture of Zach

Typical Luke, our fearless adventurer

Cool trees + cool brothers = cool photos

Always on the move... Luke is mid-jump!

One of the dozens of super hero moves Zach had me photograph

The boys were yelling, "WE ARE SUPER STARS!"

We found this creek on the backside of the trail

It's about time for this big wheel rider to move up to a small bike!

A wonderful day

The bike-a-thon came and went way too fast. In the days leading up to the event, a wonderful story ran in our local paper. Our boys were pictured on the front page! The story quickly circulated among our city, Facebook friends, email, and our church family. A lot of people were inspired by our kids' heart for other children... And we are so humbled by the interest and support of our community.

A lot of our dear friends, family, friends of friends, and even some complete strangers came out to the event to serve as volunteers. One little boy called us to offer the use of his little bounce house!

I had the honor and privilege of talking with parents about how our family came to be connected with the Sunflower House. I shared my story of an abusive childhood, God's saving grace, and the support groups that I now lead at our church. There were numerous conversations about the proactive steps parents can take to keep their kids safe, and even conversations between parents and children about how sometimes adults hurt kids. A friend of mine said that as she and her children baked goodies for our bake sale, that her children had questions about the purpose of this event. As their mother began talking with them about foster children and child abuse, it occurred to her that their family had had many conversations about families that struggle financially due to job loss, or families where a parent or child has lost their battle with a terrible illness, but she'd never talked with them about how sometimes parents hurt their children. When their discussions were over, her children understood that, through this bike-a-thon, we were helping to make lives a little easier for children who have struggled through some things that should never ever happen. I believe that in many households compassion grew through this event. We are so honored to be a part of that growth and awareness.

During our family's interview with the newspaper reporter, Zach was asked who he hoped would come out to the bike-a-thon. He said he wanted all of his friends to come, but also wanted people he didn't know to come. When asked for an exact number he replied, "Fifty-five. Or 76. Or 99." By our count, 98 people came! We are very, very happy with that.

A quick count...

We had 25 volunteers (7 teenagers, 3 kids ages 2-11)
36 bikers
37 parents (non-volunteers)

To-date, we have raised $596 with checks still arriving in the mail each day. Dozens of toys and gift cards were also donated!

We are so very proud of Zach & Luke. They helped with every step of the planning and they cannot wait to hand this money over to the two organizations. This has been such a wonderful experience for our family. Bryan and I look forward to seeing what the kids come up with next.

Pre-biking entertainment. Teenagers keep kids busy with the Limbo and 11 year-old Zak makes balloon animals!

Grand Marshal Steve. He was awesome - he didn't quit riding until the last biker was done.

Kids begin taking laps

We were surprised that Zach was the very last child to stop biking. He really LOVED this day! He cried a little when we got home, "Mom, I just wish we could have more bike-a-thon. And more balloon animals."

After biking, kids enjoyed some carnival activities - a bounce house, face painting, tattoos, colored hair spray, popsicles, baked goodies, writing letters to foster children, and a resource table for Mom and Dad.

Awesome volunteers at the registration table. We'd never met them before Saturday - just folks in the community who care about kids! (They are all friends of friends.)

Kids getting faces painted, tattoos & hair spray. (More balloon animals being made off to the left.)

One of my oldest friends manning the bake sale. Thank you to all of my dear girlfriends for making all those goodies!

The Shrader family meets Happy Bear

Kids from the community who could not wait to be a part of the bike-a-thon.

Thank you to everyone who supported this event. So many of you gave of your time, talent and money. We appreciate you so very much. We are richly blessed with an amazing group of friends, terrific family and an amazing community in which to live. There are countless children and families who will benefit from your generosity. On their behalf, we thank you. You are making life a little easier for someone today.

Zach's journal

Zach started learning to read as soon as he slipped his first pair of glasses on last fall. Writing is another story... It's a lot harder to put the letters together than it is to sound out ones already on a page. When he spells a word, we frequently joke that he's qualified to text. For instance, he spells remember RMBR. As I went into the garage to dump the vacuum canister a few minutes ago, I heard him at the kitchen table writing a "journal entry" about his day. (Since spelling is such a pain and takes forever, he was just scribbling "words".) His scribbles read:

"Luke is obsessed with Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaur Happy Meal toys. He is right there, sitting across from me, playing with them this very minute. Sometimes Luke is hurtful, and that upsets me. I like snakes. They are creatures; sorta like frogs, icky, yucky and some could be poisonous. They are reptiles. Jaxon is my friend from school and I miss him since he moved. I liked him in school. He is very, very silly and a lot of fun. Sometimes I even told Jaxon I loved him. There are a lot of different kinds of weather in the world. We have wind, snow and rain. I hope it doesn't storm tonight. I really want to go to the pool."

You can see that his thoughts ramble... Maybe an official journal would make a good birthday gift in September.

A near-miss

About an hour ago, I was faced with the worst decision my oldest child has ever made. We'd been out running errands and I watched each of the boys hop out of the van and run into the garage. I walked around the van to get some bags out of the front seat, shut the drivers side back door with the remote, locked & armed the van, headed into the garage (shutting the garage door behind myself) and began unloading bags in the kitchen. A minute later I yelled for Zachary, just to know what room he was in and what he was doing. When he didn't respond, I knew something was not right. I began yelling rather frantically and headed into the front yard. As I threw open the garage door, I was thinking that it simply WAS NOT POSSIBLE for him to be out front. I'D SEEN HIM GO IN! As I was screaming his name in the front yard, he suddenly popped up from the back seat of the van. He was playing -- hiding! He started this when we were on vacation and I told him at least a dozen times how unsafe and completely unacceptable it is.

I still cannot figure out how and when he got into the van without me noticing. I keep thinking about how I locked and armed the van from the outside; meaning he could not unlock it from the inside. Thankfully, if he tried to unlock it (which he hadn't... he wasn't even concerned that he'd been locked out there by himself) the car alarm would have gone off. But what if I hadn't heard the alarm? If I'd been super busy and just assumed he'd gone upstairs to do a puzzle or downstairs to play the Wii, who knows how long he could have been locked outside in that heat.

So... I think that sometimes this is how tragic accidents happen. A child just swiftly, in a matter of seconds, gets away from his/her parents and gets swept away by their childish desires and decisions. I am the parent that schools chuckle about; the one who has all sorts of safety-oriented questions, as if this is the school's very first day in existence. We still have baby gates on every doorway in our house and hotel locks on every outside door. Many of our friends would joke that we're a bit over-the-top with our safety precautions, but this still happened -- while I was standing there (but didn't see him??)!

It is scary how quickly these things happen. As the summer temps climb even higher, I wish you all a safe summer. Check your backseats before locking the car outdoors.

Prayers please

The bike-a-thon is only six days away... I have a friend who is a freelance writer and, bless her heart, she contacted some of the local news outlets to let them know about the bike-a-thon. This afternoon a writer for our city paper called and requested an interview with our family. Initially we were very hesitant, but decided to accepted her generous offer in hopes that it will bring attention to the event and to the wonderful organizations that serve the needs of children in our community and throughout the state. Our fear is that it will merely draw attention to ourselves and look completely obnoxious!

Our meeting with the writer is tomorrow afternoon and the piece will run in the paper this Wednesday. We would covet your prayers for this meeting; that our discussion will highlight the needs of children, the agencies that meet those needs, and also the ability of even the youngest person to help another.

We also ask that you pray for the event itself. As people who'd initially registered to bike have had to withdraw, we are praying that many others will turn out for the event and that a great deal of awareness and money will be raised.

Thank you, friends, for your continued prayers and support. There are no words to describe how proud Bryan and I are of our children. They are such compassionate and generous little boys. And so many of you have dug deep into your own pockets (and schedules!) to support this bike-a-thon. We are humbled and awed by you! We have so many incredible friends and for that we are deeply grateful. We love you!

A wonderful vacation

With Bryan working crazy-long days, Monday thru Saturday, since February, we really needed a vacation. I don't really know how to sum up our amazing week in Colorado (and about 900 pictures) in one blog post, but I'm going to try.

We had the most incredible time! Colorado is a beautiful place, and it was absolutely perfect for us to reconnect as a family and explore nature. There are some precious moments that really stand out in my mind, and I don't have pictures of any of them. So, I will attempt to share with words... During the eight hour drive to Denver (we spent one night there before heading on to Estes Park) no one was bothered by anything. If there were bad drivers on the road, we didn't notice. If someone needed to go to the bathroom ten minutes after we left a gas station, we just pulled off the road and went. We didn't count the number of times someone said, "Are we there yet? How much longer?" but it was A LOT and never a bother. And my absolute favorite was how attentive Bryan was to the boys - they had a lot of questions and comments on the drive out! They wanted their daddy's attention so badly. Unfortunately, we've all adjusted to him being gone a lot, so having him with us was a very special treat! Bryan and the boys even played catch with a nerf football in the van. So sweet...

Another favorite memory is my walk with Luke around the condo property on the second night. We watched birds (he especially liked their "really beautiful chirp" and spied on the chipmunks. We ended up in the condo lobby where we looked through a photo album containing pictures of animals photographed on the property. That led to a discussion with the office staff about the best places to see animals. They recommended the park (and told us that it never closes!), so we went back to collect the rest of our crew and rushed off (in jammies) to RMNP to see what we could see.

On the first day that we fished, Zach got bored so he and I went for a hike around the lake. We climbed rocks, talked and found a lot of little treasures (like a broken Bic lighter). Even the shortest amount of alone time with a child is so precious.

On to pictures....

Luke's first MLB game - at the Colorado Rockies

Happy Father's Day - this was taken outside our condo!
Zach, Grandpa (B's dad), Luke & Bryan

A family picture taken at the other end of our condo building

The boys loved the tire swing at the condo

The most awesome swing ever - at my friend Amy's cabin

Grown up, married, with children..
Amy and I went to school together K-6th grade.

Got knee-deep into the water

Luke absolutely loves to fish!
(Notice the elk about 15 feet away.)

My first fish ever
(I think ruffles are prefectly suited for fishing!)

Bryan and the boys reel one in

Grandpa catches one in the river behind our condo

An amazing 11 mile bike tour through Devil's Gulch

If you look closely, we're down around the corner

Beautiful aspens in Rocky Mountain National Park

We loved climbing rocks at Alluvial Fan

Found this beautiful spot near some privately-owned cabins in RMNP

A self portrait at the edge of a cliff

The hike to Alberta Falls

We made it to the top!

Crossing the water on the hike back down

An incredible sunset in the park