Wednesday, December 7, 2011

I wrecked my car

Uh huh.  I've had the van for about six weeks, and I've already wrecked it.  It was raining.  I was hurrying.  I was anxious ... carrying on about how "we are going to be late!" and I hate to be late.

As I was trying to get out the door with two kids - each going in different directions, at the exact same time, with only one parent to make it all happen - I asked the kids if they'd had lunch.  At 12:30pm.  Much to my disappointment, they hadn't even had breakfast!

So, despite the fact that I was already agonizing over our lateness (and, to be honest, if traffic was fine, we were actually ahead of schedule), I headed to McDonald's to grab some drive thru burgers and fries.  Got the junk food.  Began handing it out...  I was approaching my right-hand turn at the light.  Second in line.  The car in front of me inched out, and I inched forward behind her.  When I looked to my left at oncoming traffic, I rolled right into the woman in front of me.


Praise God that the woman I crashed into was very nice.  And no one was hurt.  And the kids weren't even scared.  The damage to the cars was such that we could both drive away without even much of a delay. 

In that moment though, what had been becoming pretty crystal clear was made absolutely clear.  My family needs to slow down.

The ESU program I'd planned to enter next fall is evenings only, Monday through Thursday, six hours per night, all on-campus.  And it turns out that Bryan is working during the exact same time I'd have to be in class.  Could we line up sitters?  Get the grandparents to pitch in?  But it's for an entire year...  Any talk of quitting ended with the same, "We'll make it work.  It WILL work."  But I didn't feel any peace about it at all.

Then I wrecked my car.  Rushing around.  Not entirely transitioned into our family's new normal; but, more than anything, really trying to ignore the harsh reality that something really great has got to give.

As I heard the crunch of our two vehicles colliding, it was as if some heavy vault door slammed shut on our family's master plan.  The one and only right choice was glaringly obvious.  I will finish the two online courses I have left at the community college, but everything beyond that is on hold.

As we came to terms with this decision, Bryan and I were reminded of just how perfectly the classes I've taken in the last three semesters have served to equip me as a mother and as a Writing and Public Speaking teacher at Mighty Oaks.  And how my job at Mighty Oaks fits so beautifully with our family life.  Maybe this is what God had in mind when He paved the way for me to return to school last year.  Or maybe we're just moving into a different season of waiting...  Either way, we're hoping and praying that it will not take another car accident to move us to surrender to God's perfect plan.

Such stubborn people, sometimes...

"'For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.'"  Jeremiah 29:11-13 NASB

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