That's a first...
I just left my kids in bed, and one was crying and wouldn't tell me why. "It's okay" and "you can't do anything about it anyway" were uttered time and again when I tried to get him to talk with me.
We had a really rough day. Emotions were ever-bubbling at the surface. One child is returning to school tomorrow after a very difficult year ... and taking a really awesome, unexpected [nerve-wracking] field trip (hours by bus) to make a documentary of the K-State football program on the 2nd day of school. One is beginning kindergarten the following day. Bryan is working evenings, so, aside from breakfast, he won't see Zach three days a week (the pits for everyone). I've slept poorly and woken early for the last 10 days or so, leaving me a little less than pleasant and patient.
And then KFC got Luke's dinner all wrong (discovered at home). And Zach's nose piece fell off his glasses (after our optical place closed). And one of my kids spit water on the other (gasp!). And one got whacked in the back in a Nerf sword battle. Normal things ... going dramatically wrong. It's been rough.
So... What was I to do with a crying child who wouldn't confide in me? Pray. And hold him as much as he'd let me. And remind him that Daddy and I are here.
That's all I could do. I prayed with him, reminded him, reminded myself ... that God's got this. Whatever it is that's troubling my guy, God's got it.
This is the first time that he's ever not allowed me to hold him close. It's the first time he's ever refused to talk with me. It's the first time he's ever nodded off with tears still streaming (with exception of the baby days).
Honestly, I'd hoped that he'd come down a few minutes after I left, having seen the light... Realizing that confiding in Mom is the right approach. But he didn't.
And I expect that this won't be the last time he takes that approach.
I don't love it. But, I'm praying for my boy. And with him. Constantly praying for God's arms to wrap themselves around him, for Zach to know His presence, for confidence in who and whose he is, and for the constant nudging for Zach to keep an open dialogue with his heavenly father. It's no picnic, getting shut out as his confidant... But, God's got this.
And I'm amazed at how God's grown me. Some of you are reading this, remembering Tonya from a few years back that would need a padded room on a day like today.
But, God's got this. All of this.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Phil. 4:6