I vividly remember sitting on my deck in the summer of 2003, very pregnant with my first child, talking with my sister-in-law on the phone about my quickly approaching motherhood. As we chatted, she said something that has played out time and again in the years since.
"Being a mother is like walking around with your heart beating outside your body."
She was so right. My heart most definitely feels as if it's on the outside of my body sometimes. And never more than when I'm watching my kids suffer.
As I watched one of my boys writhing in agony yesterday, completely overcome with anxiety, fear and doubt, my heart was breaking... All I could do was remind him, over and over again, of the truth. God made you exactly as you are. He gave you talents and areas of difficulty - this is by design. He wants to use you, just the way you are. Honor God by being you. In your weakness, He is strong. God wouldn't ask you to do something and then abandon you there alone. Don't panic, pray.
Don't panic. Pray. How many times have I gotten that wrong? But, I digress...
We prayed over the situation with our guy yesterday. He sobbed, he nearly hyperventilated, he rubbed his eyes red, and he got a headache... But, eventually, he got back up, blew his nose, and determined to trust God. He began to prepare himself for the task at hand, through prayer and practice. At first, the practicing was pretty puny, but by the end he was completely on board. That night, he went to bed with a smile on his face and a spring in his step.
And this morning, he did it. He led worship in kids church.
For my guy, this is a really big deal. He does not like performing. He does not like eyes on him. He does not like risking "failure" or embarrassment.
But he loves God. And he's excited to let God work in him and through him. And he loves worship. And he loves his brother...and wants to be a part of his big kid church experience.
So often, I marvel at how we're able to coach him through a situation because we have the knowledge, but then he turns around and teaches me so very much about faith, courage and obedience as he actually does it.
My young guy is something else. I always say that he's going to be a really remarkable man.....so long as I can get him to adulthood. But, really, he's pretty remarkable already.
I could not be more impressed or inspired by him.
Today I praise God for his constant presence and comfort. For the truths found in his Word, and for the abundant encouragement from the people in our lives. And for passion....especially passions that are simply about jubilation, and are not necessarily areas we feel gifted in.