So, Pat Robertson broke my heart a little tonight.
Televangelist Pat Robertson has said on Thursday's edition of The 700 Club with co-host Kristi Watts that people thinking of adopting children should be cautious about taking in those that have been sexually abused or deprived of food for risk that they may turn out to be weird."
Yes, he said that. Among other things.
You can read the full article here.
It breaks my heart for many reasons.
I was one of those sexually abused [neglected....abandoned child of a drug addict] kids. Should I have been cast aside by society, for fear that I'd turn out weird?
And... Okay, so I did turn out pretty messed up. Or "weird". After an entire childhood of heartache, I developed coping mechanisms that were not healthy. And I had a no self-esteem and a fairly skewed moral compass. In my late teens/early 20's, I made some unwise and hurtful decisions that I will forever regret.
And, oddly enough, I'd felt called to adopt the unloveables when I was nine years old.
But, clearly, I was not yet ready ... and I knew it.
Thankfully, by my later 20's, I was piecing my life back together and found a church family that helped guide me into healing and wholeness through a sincere relationship with the Lord. I thank God for his grace, mercy and forgiveness!
And it breaks my heart that Pat Robertson is a Christian leader who has influence over others. Did someone hear his message and decide against adoption because of his fear-filled, faith-less, self-centered message? Will a child go without a forever family because their potential parents found the justification they needed to ignore God's call?
Don't get me wrong. The fears are real. And justified.
Kids are hard. Wounded kids are harder.
And change is hard. Adapting to someone else' habits, style, needs, etc. is difficult. Always. This is why the first year of marriage is often not a picnic.
And, because it cannot be undersold, adding kids - especially wounded kids - to your already-settled family is definitely complicated, hard, taxing, stressful, expensive, risky... Add whatever adjective you want, and it'll probably fit.
But those little people deserve a family to call their own. They deserve loving, protective arms to be wrapped around them. They deserve a note written on their lunch banana that simply says, "Love, Mom." They deserve a hand to hold in the dark. They deserve the prayers of a father whispered over them at bedtime. They deserve a parent to attend parent teacher conferences. They deserve a visit over family weekend at college. And ... one day ... their children will deserve loving grandparents.
And it breaks my heart that non-believers might read what Pat Robertson said and chalk it up to just one more reason to believe that all Christians are self-serving, ill-informed, narrow-minded, self-righteous hypocrites.
Pat Robertson doesn't speak for all Christians. And Pat Robertson is human. Perhaps this is an area where fear takes over for Mr. Robertson... I shudder to think of how many opportunities that my family misses simply because we allowed fear (or our desire for comfort) to win.
"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families." Psalm 68:5-6
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7
God was not only the founder of adoption; he was the first adoptive parent.
Nearly 30 years after the first seed was planted in my heart, it is still my prayer to one day be an adoptive parent. There are so many precious children waiting, aging, crying, longing ... missing out on all of the blessings that come with a forever family.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Praying for coaches
I added something new to our prayer list last night... Our coaches.
Why has this just dawned on me? We have prayed for the educators and staff at the kids' schools since before we were ever in school. And we pray for Sunday school teachers... And we've thanked God many times over for our coaches, but we've never really prayed for them.
If our kids participate in sports for the reasons my husband and I say they do, then their coaches need all the prayer support they can get!
Why do our kids participate in sports?
To grow social relationships with their peers.
To establish trusting relationships with adults outside of our family.
To learn how to be a part of a team.
To maintain physical activity and good health.
To receive support, encouragement, and constructive feedback from someone other than Mom and Dad.
To learn how to win and lose gracefully.
To learn how to be competitive while keeping ones integrity and character in tact.
To have fun.
To know the freedom and joy of simply being a kid and playing.
As I've sat back and watched my kids with their various teachers and coaches, I've often wondered if they realize the full scope of what they are doing. Or do they just think it's about piano, or soccer, or baseball, or basketball, or math... Do they realize that they are writing on the heart and mind of the child before them?
The work of a teacher - a coach is a teacher - is a tall order and calls for prayer.
Additionally, our coaches are given a degree of permission to add things to our family's schedule. And they are given discretion regarding the safety and discipline of our children when we are not there.
Our family has been richly blessed with loving coaches who are passionate about all of the above. As fall sports continue through late October, we will continue to lift these men up in prayer. So their hearts and minds will be primed with wisdom, patience, endurance and passion for the kids entrusted to them. We also pray that many blessings are poured out on their families, as they give generously and sacrificially for the team...more specifically - for my child.
Why has this just dawned on me? We have prayed for the educators and staff at the kids' schools since before we were ever in school. And we pray for Sunday school teachers... And we've thanked God many times over for our coaches, but we've never really prayed for them.
If our kids participate in sports for the reasons my husband and I say they do, then their coaches need all the prayer support they can get!
Why do our kids participate in sports?
To grow social relationships with their peers.
To establish trusting relationships with adults outside of our family.
To learn how to be a part of a team.
To maintain physical activity and good health.
To receive support, encouragement, and constructive feedback from someone other than Mom and Dad.
To learn how to win and lose gracefully.
To learn how to be competitive while keeping ones integrity and character in tact.
To have fun.
To know the freedom and joy of simply being a kid and playing.
As I've sat back and watched my kids with their various teachers and coaches, I've often wondered if they realize the full scope of what they are doing. Or do they just think it's about piano, or soccer, or baseball, or basketball, or math... Do they realize that they are writing on the heart and mind of the child before them?
The work of a teacher - a coach is a teacher - is a tall order and calls for prayer.
Additionally, our coaches are given a degree of permission to add things to our family's schedule. And they are given discretion regarding the safety and discipline of our children when we are not there.
Our family has been richly blessed with loving coaches who are passionate about all of the above. As fall sports continue through late October, we will continue to lift these men up in prayer. So their hearts and minds will be primed with wisdom, patience, endurance and passion for the kids entrusted to them. We also pray that many blessings are poured out on their families, as they give generously and sacrificially for the team...more specifically - for my child.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
You only fail when you refuse to try
This afternoon, I took a stroll down memory lane - remembering time spent with little girlfriends when I was young. Dressing up in Tiffany's mom's dresses, high heels, jewelry and accessories. Shaving legs with Kasha. Listening to music with Angel. Long afternoons sharing secrets and whispering about boys in Kile's backyard. Looking through Tiger Beat and Teen Beat magazines with Kim, professing our undying love for Don Johnson and Ralph Macchio. Underwater tea parties at the pool with Marci and Michelle. Experimenting with hair and make-up with Mandy. Doing bedroom ballet and singing into hairbrush microphones with my sister. Babysitting classes and crafts with my Girl Scout troop. Cooking and sewing classes with girls in my Sunday school class.
When girls gathered, we were pretty stationary - keeping only our hands and mouths moving.
However, as a mother of boys, I've learned that boys socialize differently. Little talking, lots of movement. Lots of sports.
And... If excelling easily at sports isn't your thing, this kind of socializing can be difficult.
At the start of the summer, my husband and I agreed to invest in opportunities for Zach to grow in this area. To grow in the knowledge of who and whose he is (so he doesn't feel he needs to find his identity in sport), while growing comfortable and confident in actively engaging with other kids.
We didn't enroll him in sports camps to groom him for super stardom. We were not trying to give him a leg up or condition him for the next season. We merely wanted him to have several opportunities a week to play with different groups of kids, trying new things, going outside of his comfort zone.
And he loved every minute of it.
Today was the last of all of his camps.
And, can you believe it ... he WON FIRST PLACE in the championship round of Junior Golf.
He was happy to simply have been at Junior Golf for the last eight weeks with his cousins, but to win a trophy? He's over the moon. And we are so proud of him.
Win, lose, or draw in sport - he's learned and grown a lot and made several new friends this summer. As he returns to school next month, I pray that he will cling to the successes he's had this summer and remember that ... you only fail when you refuse to try. And, it's just life. Don't take it so seriously. Have fun. Laugh. Get dirty. Play.
When girls gathered, we were pretty stationary - keeping only our hands and mouths moving.
However, as a mother of boys, I've learned that boys socialize differently. Little talking, lots of movement. Lots of sports.
And... If excelling easily at sports isn't your thing, this kind of socializing can be difficult.
At the start of the summer, my husband and I agreed to invest in opportunities for Zach to grow in this area. To grow in the knowledge of who and whose he is (so he doesn't feel he needs to find his identity in sport), while growing comfortable and confident in actively engaging with other kids.
We didn't enroll him in sports camps to groom him for super stardom. We were not trying to give him a leg up or condition him for the next season. We merely wanted him to have several opportunities a week to play with different groups of kids, trying new things, going outside of his comfort zone.
And he loved every minute of it.
Today was the last of all of his camps.
And, can you believe it ... he WON FIRST PLACE in the championship round of Junior Golf.
He was happy to simply have been at Junior Golf for the last eight weeks with his cousins, but to win a trophy? He's over the moon. And we are so proud of him.
Win, lose, or draw in sport - he's learned and grown a lot and made several new friends this summer. As he returns to school next month, I pray that he will cling to the successes he's had this summer and remember that ... you only fail when you refuse to try. And, it's just life. Don't take it so seriously. Have fun. Laugh. Get dirty. Play.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
10 year old trend-setters
I often think about the facades people keep up and the secrets that are hidden deep in our hearts. How it separates us from others, and leaves us feeling alone.
Leaves us feeling less....less worthy, less capable, less loveable, less acceptable, etc.
Today I enjoyed the company of two ten year old boys. Both, complete strangers to me. One in the morning at church. Another in the late afternoon at the pool.
These boys set a shining example of vulnerable living, honest sharing, bold encouragement and faith.
As we discussed forgiveness in our small group at church this morning, one young man at our table piped up often. "I've been left out at recess a lot of times. It hurts my feelings, but I try really hard to forgive and be nice to them anyway." As the young boy next time him said that he didn't have anything he needed to ask forgiveness for, he piped up again, "You mean you've never hit your brother? Or talked back to your parents? Or been the one who was a bad friend??" His vulnerable sharing and gentle questioning paved the way for the other kids to honestly assess their lives, jot down things they need to forgive or ask for forgiveness for, and even share a little with the group. As we bowed our heads, this young man asked if he could pray, and he offered up the prayer of a confident, contrite man. At the ripe old age of ten.
The young man I had the pleasure to meet this afternoon was a similar kind of awesome. As Zachary climbed the ladder to the high dive, fear was all over his face. As he stood at the top, bracing himself on the handrails, breathing heavily, squeezing his eyes tightly shut, and trying hard to convince himself to walk forward and jump ... encouragement came from a young boy on the ground. "We've got all day, take your time. I still get scared up there too, so I have to force myself to jump sometimes. And it's fun. Just a little scary at first. But FUN." As Zach climbed back down the ladder, the kid encouraged him to take a break and try again later. This scenario repeated itself three times. Zach going to the top, the young boy encouraging and confessing his own weaknesses, Zach climbing back down. The forth time, the boy stood at the base of the ladder as Zachary hurried to the end of the board and jumped....before he could change his mind, exactly as the young encourager had suggested. And the encourager missed it! He told Zach that he was sorry he'd missed his jump, and Zach readily did it for him again. And again. And again. And the boys cheered and celebrated with high fives and laughter.
These two boys were such blessings to be around today, as they loved others through affirmation, truth, transparency, encouragement and even prayer. Amazing kids. As I lay my head down tonight, I will pray that they don't lose their heart for others, and that through their hearts their piece of the world will be changed. I will also pray for the courage to be more like them, and for the wisdom to impart this way of loving on the hearts of my children. It was through these two boys' words, actions and examples that those around them found the courage to be honest about who they are and where they struggle.
"Love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:39
Leaves us feeling less....less worthy, less capable, less loveable, less acceptable, etc.
Today I enjoyed the company of two ten year old boys. Both, complete strangers to me. One in the morning at church. Another in the late afternoon at the pool.
These boys set a shining example of vulnerable living, honest sharing, bold encouragement and faith.
As we discussed forgiveness in our small group at church this morning, one young man at our table piped up often. "I've been left out at recess a lot of times. It hurts my feelings, but I try really hard to forgive and be nice to them anyway." As the young boy next time him said that he didn't have anything he needed to ask forgiveness for, he piped up again, "You mean you've never hit your brother? Or talked back to your parents? Or been the one who was a bad friend??" His vulnerable sharing and gentle questioning paved the way for the other kids to honestly assess their lives, jot down things they need to forgive or ask for forgiveness for, and even share a little with the group. As we bowed our heads, this young man asked if he could pray, and he offered up the prayer of a confident, contrite man. At the ripe old age of ten.
The young man I had the pleasure to meet this afternoon was a similar kind of awesome. As Zachary climbed the ladder to the high dive, fear was all over his face. As he stood at the top, bracing himself on the handrails, breathing heavily, squeezing his eyes tightly shut, and trying hard to convince himself to walk forward and jump ... encouragement came from a young boy on the ground. "We've got all day, take your time. I still get scared up there too, so I have to force myself to jump sometimes. And it's fun. Just a little scary at first. But FUN." As Zach climbed back down the ladder, the kid encouraged him to take a break and try again later. This scenario repeated itself three times. Zach going to the top, the young boy encouraging and confessing his own weaknesses, Zach climbing back down. The forth time, the boy stood at the base of the ladder as Zachary hurried to the end of the board and jumped....before he could change his mind, exactly as the young encourager had suggested. And the encourager missed it! He told Zach that he was sorry he'd missed his jump, and Zach readily did it for him again. And again. And again. And the boys cheered and celebrated with high fives and laughter.
These two boys were such blessings to be around today, as they loved others through affirmation, truth, transparency, encouragement and even prayer. Amazing kids. As I lay my head down tonight, I will pray that they don't lose their heart for others, and that through their hearts their piece of the world will be changed. I will also pray for the courage to be more like them, and for the wisdom to impart this way of loving on the hearts of my children. It was through these two boys' words, actions and examples that those around them found the courage to be honest about who they are and where they struggle.
"Love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:39
Saturday, July 21, 2012
My wild child
I'm feeling a special kinship to Tony Hawk's mom and John and Stasi Eldredge tonight.
A $4 set of knee & elbow pads found in a thrift store led to the purchase of an $11 skateboard at Target.
I had skateboards growing up, and have often wanted my kids to have them... But, frankly, I didn't want to watch them break their wrists. When they found the pads, Zach mumbled, "But I know you'd never let us have a skateboard."
To which I shrugged my shoulder and replied, "Why not?" After all, I had skateboards and never got hurt.
My stunned first born paused and said, "But, don't you have to ask Dad? I'm sure he'd want to discuss this with you first."
At that, the indignant feminist hiding deep inside of me tossed the pads into the cart and promised a skateboard. Tonight.
As we shopped for a skateboard, I told them we should probably hit the bubble wrap aisle too. My witty kids laughed, and then argued through the store over whose turn it was to carry it. The moment it was paid for, they started ripping the packaging off.
When we got home, Zach had to change into his professional skateboarder uniform. Tony Hawk shorts and his skater shoes. Clothes have always mattered to Zach.
When he first approached getting on the board, he confessed to being scared. "It's looks hard to balance. And how do I get started? How do I stop?" After a quick tutorial - with Mom demonstrating in flip flops, using Zach as my spotter - he figured that if Mom could do it, he could do it. And with Mom holding his hands for the first 30 seconds or so, he was off.
In no time at all, he was trying to control what direction he was heading. Flipping it here and there... Gaining confidence and speed. Checking the scratches on the bottom after every stop. You know, scratches are a sign of a board well-used!
Next thing I know, he's saying things like, "WORD!" and "Now, that's how it's done!" He was a boy, excited about a new, thrilling, somewhat dangerous accomplishment.
Zach is often so subdued that it's easy to forget that he was designed by God to be wild at heart. But tonight, the wildness shone... The wildness that is too often hidden under his skeptical, analytical, careful, perfectionist tendencies. The wildness that is too often squashed by a nervous parent who doesn't want him to get hurt.
He had a blast tonight. He went to bed with his chest puffed up and a huge smile on his face. He was so proud. So accomplished.
I am so glad my guys found that $4 bag of pads buried in the sports equipment bin at the thrift store. And so glad that I didn't get in the way of him taking a walk on the wild side.
A $4 set of knee & elbow pads found in a thrift store led to the purchase of an $11 skateboard at Target.
I had skateboards growing up, and have often wanted my kids to have them... But, frankly, I didn't want to watch them break their wrists. When they found the pads, Zach mumbled, "But I know you'd never let us have a skateboard."
To which I shrugged my shoulder and replied, "Why not?" After all, I had skateboards and never got hurt.
My stunned first born paused and said, "But, don't you have to ask Dad? I'm sure he'd want to discuss this with you first."
At that, the indignant feminist hiding deep inside of me tossed the pads into the cart and promised a skateboard. Tonight.
As we shopped for a skateboard, I told them we should probably hit the bubble wrap aisle too. My witty kids laughed, and then argued through the store over whose turn it was to carry it. The moment it was paid for, they started ripping the packaging off.
When we got home, Zach had to change into his professional skateboarder uniform. Tony Hawk shorts and his skater shoes. Clothes have always mattered to Zach.
When he first approached getting on the board, he confessed to being scared. "It's looks hard to balance. And how do I get started? How do I stop?" After a quick tutorial - with Mom demonstrating in flip flops, using Zach as my spotter - he figured that if Mom could do it, he could do it. And with Mom holding his hands for the first 30 seconds or so, he was off.
In no time at all, he was trying to control what direction he was heading. Flipping it here and there... Gaining confidence and speed. Checking the scratches on the bottom after every stop. You know, scratches are a sign of a board well-used!
Next thing I know, he's saying things like, "WORD!" and "Now, that's how it's done!" He was a boy, excited about a new, thrilling, somewhat dangerous accomplishment.
Zach is often so subdued that it's easy to forget that he was designed by God to be wild at heart. But tonight, the wildness shone... The wildness that is too often hidden under his skeptical, analytical, careful, perfectionist tendencies. The wildness that is too often squashed by a nervous parent who doesn't want him to get hurt.
He had a blast tonight. He went to bed with his chest puffed up and a huge smile on his face. He was so proud. So accomplished.
I am so glad my guys found that $4 bag of pads buried in the sports equipment bin at the thrift store. And so glad that I didn't get in the way of him taking a walk on the wild side.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Too many problems?
One of the kids' devotion questions last week was, "Do you ever feel like you have too many problems?"
To be honest, I had to stifle a laugh as they both gave emphatic YESes.
My first thought: "They're kids! What kind of problems do they have?"
So, I asked them.
When teachers give too much homework. When others won't play fair. When my brother isn't being nice. When I can't beat a video game level. When I have too many things on my schedule. When I'm not included. When I have to play sports in the heat. When I don't feel good. When I'm in time out. When we have to clean our playroom.
When you're going into kindergarten and 3rd grade, these are legitimate problems. Too many problems.
Romans 5:3-4 speaks to this issue.
"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation."
Love it. I've printed it and taped it to the wall.
As a runner, my endurance has been under constant scrutiny for the last year and a half. I used to get hot or tired and just throw in the towel and walk, but as I've stayed steadfast in my training, my endurance has grown and I'm going faster and farther.
On a broader scale, I see this playing out in my life and in that of my family... We're quick to quit on things. Quick to believe the lies that we can't. Quick to believe that we're in over our head or outmatched. Quick to believe that everyone else has it together and we don't. Quick to believe that whatever-it-is is a bad idea.
This bit of scripture is so life-giving...
Problems - processing through them, exchanging the lies for truth, praying with faith and expectation, charging through fear, falling back on God's promises and provision - develop endurance. And endurance builds character, and character strengthens hope.
Powerful.
To be honest, I had to stifle a laugh as they both gave emphatic YESes.
My first thought: "They're kids! What kind of problems do they have?"
So, I asked them.
When teachers give too much homework. When others won't play fair. When my brother isn't being nice. When I can't beat a video game level. When I have too many things on my schedule. When I'm not included. When I have to play sports in the heat. When I don't feel good. When I'm in time out. When we have to clean our playroom.
When you're going into kindergarten and 3rd grade, these are legitimate problems. Too many problems.
Romans 5:3-4 speaks to this issue.
"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation."
Love it. I've printed it and taped it to the wall.
As a runner, my endurance has been under constant scrutiny for the last year and a half. I used to get hot or tired and just throw in the towel and walk, but as I've stayed steadfast in my training, my endurance has grown and I'm going faster and farther.
On a broader scale, I see this playing out in my life and in that of my family... We're quick to quit on things. Quick to believe the lies that we can't. Quick to believe that we're in over our head or outmatched. Quick to believe that everyone else has it together and we don't. Quick to believe that whatever-it-is is a bad idea.
This bit of scripture is so life-giving...
Problems - processing through them, exchanging the lies for truth, praying with faith and expectation, charging through fear, falling back on God's promises and provision - develop endurance. And endurance builds character, and character strengthens hope.
Powerful.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
God willing...at last
When I crawled out of bed this morning, the house was quiet and a cup of coffee was calling my name. After filling my favorite mug, I grabbed my Bible, and headed for a quiet corner in the living room.
I'm not currently in a Bible study, so I didn't really know where to begin. As I thumbed through 2,300+ pages, I quickly settled on Romans.
Romans 1:10 really spoke to me: "One of the things I always pray for is the opportunity, God willing, to come at last to see you."
It struck me that Paul always prayed for this same thing, yet hadn't grown tired or hopeless. And I love how "God willing...at last" almost sounds desperate - at least it does the way I read it.
Boy can I relate to praying for the same things... often in desperation. Pleading.
First I thought of fostering/adoption, and missions work. It's been on my heart since I was a little girl, but it's not yet been a call on our family.
Then I thought of my son.
And then I thought about a conversation I had Monday night with my friend who prays every night with her daughters that they won't have bad dreams. Yet, the bad dreams come anyway.
As I thought about Paul, prayerful in his desires to one day go to Rome, his story came to mind. He did eventually make it to Rome, but he arrived as a prisoner. He'd prayed for safe travels, and did arrive safely ... but only after getting arrested, slapped in the face, shipwrecked, and bitten by a poisonous snake.
Talk about hiccups along the way!
I'm reminded that God does answer prayer, He just doesn't generally do so in our timing, nor does he do so in exact compliance what what we had in mind.
My thoughts return to my son. My son who sometimes cries out, asking WHEN WILL IT BE EASIER? The son who will one day be on the other side of things, saying to another little person, I know what it is to be scared, intimidated and insecure sometimes. I know what it is to be a bit quirky. I know what it is to get overwhelmed. I know what it is to be sick of doctors appointments and frustrated with your body. I know what it is to have to work hard at things that seem so easy for others. And I know what it is to wait on answers to prayer... Hang in there. God is listening. He has a plan. God willing ... at last, things will work out.
I'm not currently in a Bible study, so I didn't really know where to begin. As I thumbed through 2,300+ pages, I quickly settled on Romans.
Romans 1:10 really spoke to me: "One of the things I always pray for is the opportunity, God willing, to come at last to see you."
It struck me that Paul always prayed for this same thing, yet hadn't grown tired or hopeless. And I love how "God willing...at last" almost sounds desperate - at least it does the way I read it.
Boy can I relate to praying for the same things... often in desperation. Pleading.
First I thought of fostering/adoption, and missions work. It's been on my heart since I was a little girl, but it's not yet been a call on our family.
Then I thought of my son.
And then I thought about a conversation I had Monday night with my friend who prays every night with her daughters that they won't have bad dreams. Yet, the bad dreams come anyway.
As I thought about Paul, prayerful in his desires to one day go to Rome, his story came to mind. He did eventually make it to Rome, but he arrived as a prisoner. He'd prayed for safe travels, and did arrive safely ... but only after getting arrested, slapped in the face, shipwrecked, and bitten by a poisonous snake.
Talk about hiccups along the way!
I'm reminded that God does answer prayer, He just doesn't generally do so in our timing, nor does he do so in exact compliance what what we had in mind.
My thoughts return to my son. My son who sometimes cries out, asking WHEN WILL IT BE EASIER? The son who will one day be on the other side of things, saying to another little person, I know what it is to be scared, intimidated and insecure sometimes. I know what it is to be a bit quirky. I know what it is to get overwhelmed. I know what it is to be sick of doctors appointments and frustrated with your body. I know what it is to have to work hard at things that seem so easy for others. And I know what it is to wait on answers to prayer... Hang in there. God is listening. He has a plan. God willing ... at last, things will work out.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
WHOLE
Last week I attended an exciting planning meeting for WHOLE Women's Conference coming up at the end of Aug. I have the humbling privilege of leading break-out sessions where I get to share with as many women who will listen, the journey back to wholeness after the life-shattering pain of sexual abuse.
The conference is offering 17 breakout topics, each being led by 17 incredible women with a heart for God and for his children. Women who will boldly share truth, hope, and encouragement, drawing on their own very real, very personal stories.
But first... We must plan - with God's leading, of course.
Our first order of business is naming our breakout session and providing a few sentences to describe it. Now... I'm a woman who likes to talk. And I like complete details, not snippets of information. I generally fall on the more is more side when it comes to this sort of thing. Yet, I only get a few sentences to describe my break-out session.
And then there's the break-out session itself. Forty-five minutes. As my friend Mary put it, "I can't say hello in 45 minutes!" So... To narrow it down, I keep asking, "What am I meant to say at this point in my life, to this audience?"
There's also a 10 second blurb in which I am to answer the question, "What does it mean to be WHOLE?" I can gush over that for an hour, easily.
These are the things that wake me from a dead sleep in the middle of the night. Things I think about throughout the day, every day, and even while I sleep, yet I can't quite sum any of them up in complete thoughts.
Good thing I have a month and a half. And GREAT thing that I don't have to rely on me to come up with what to say... I rest in the gentle assurance that God has a plan and can overcome every shortcoming I have.
In the mean time, I think. And pray. And blog a little.
Hmmm... What does it mean to be WHOLE?
Knowing who and whose I am. Knowing that I am not defined by the sins I've committed or the sins committed against me, or what I think of myself or what others think of me, or by the things I have or the things I don't have ... but rather I am defined by what GOD says about me. "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14. "Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God." John 1:12
Finally knowing what the ever-elusive parent / child relationship looks and feels like. "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling." Psalm 68:5 "He rescues you from hidden traps, shields you from deadly hazards. His huge outstretched arms protect you - under them you're perfectly safe; his arms fend off all harm." Psalm 91:2-4 (Msg).
Living a life free from shame and secrecy, knowing first-hand the strength of the human spirit. "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
Peace. That feeling in your heart when forgiveness is real and the anger, fear and bitterness are noticeably diminished. "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one anther, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:31:32 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
Living out the impossible - enjoying the sweet restoration of relationships. "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18 "Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them." 1 John 2:9-11
Having had a sad life of despair completely exchanged for one filled with hope and joy. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
God is good...all the time. Grateful to wake up today, free from the bondage of darkness and brokenness.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10
The conference is offering 17 breakout topics, each being led by 17 incredible women with a heart for God and for his children. Women who will boldly share truth, hope, and encouragement, drawing on their own very real, very personal stories.
But first... We must plan - with God's leading, of course.
Our first order of business is naming our breakout session and providing a few sentences to describe it. Now... I'm a woman who likes to talk. And I like complete details, not snippets of information. I generally fall on the more is more side when it comes to this sort of thing. Yet, I only get a few sentences to describe my break-out session.
And then there's the break-out session itself. Forty-five minutes. As my friend Mary put it, "I can't say hello in 45 minutes!" So... To narrow it down, I keep asking, "What am I meant to say at this point in my life, to this audience?"
There's also a 10 second blurb in which I am to answer the question, "What does it mean to be WHOLE?" I can gush over that for an hour, easily.
These are the things that wake me from a dead sleep in the middle of the night. Things I think about throughout the day, every day, and even while I sleep, yet I can't quite sum any of them up in complete thoughts.
Good thing I have a month and a half. And GREAT thing that I don't have to rely on me to come up with what to say... I rest in the gentle assurance that God has a plan and can overcome every shortcoming I have.
In the mean time, I think. And pray. And blog a little.
Hmmm... What does it mean to be WHOLE?
Knowing who and whose I am. Knowing that I am not defined by the sins I've committed or the sins committed against me, or what I think of myself or what others think of me, or by the things I have or the things I don't have ... but rather I am defined by what GOD says about me. "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14. "Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God." John 1:12
Finally knowing what the ever-elusive parent / child relationship looks and feels like. "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling." Psalm 68:5 "He rescues you from hidden traps, shields you from deadly hazards. His huge outstretched arms protect you - under them you're perfectly safe; his arms fend off all harm." Psalm 91:2-4 (Msg).
Living a life free from shame and secrecy, knowing first-hand the strength of the human spirit. "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
Peace. That feeling in your heart when forgiveness is real and the anger, fear and bitterness are noticeably diminished. "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one anther, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:31:32 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
Living out the impossible - enjoying the sweet restoration of relationships. "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18 "Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them." 1 John 2:9-11
Having had a sad life of despair completely exchanged for one filled with hope and joy. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
God is good...all the time. Grateful to wake up today, free from the bondage of darkness and brokenness.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Sub 140
This is not at all my normal kind of post, and it's certainly not what I've been mulling around for the last week, but today is a day worth noting. Just stepped on the scale - 139.8 (I totally wish I could make that flash in neon colors). Honestly, I had completely surrendered to my weight gain last fall. I even gave away this adorable red winter coat that I absolutely loved, but knew there was no way it would ever fit again.
Steph, I don't want it back... I'll just be forced now to buy another one. Ooooh - we can be twins.
When I registered for my triathlon last summer, I considered the Athena division for women over 155. Right now I'm shaking my head at myself as, aloud, I'd questioned: "Does anyone my age weigh under 155?" I had surrendered and, still being fairly slender and within my normal healthy weight range, I assumed that the older we get, the heavier we weigh.
When I impulsively started this weight loss journey on March 1, I weighed in at 161. Pinch me! I'm down 21.5 pounds and the shorts I'm wearing are completely falling off of me! Back to school shopping is going to be really special this year... Mama gets some new clothes too - only, opposite the children, mine will be smaller and not BIGGER.
Cori, thanks for casually complaining about the diet you were on... Your complaining prompted our life change.
Steph, I don't want it back... I'll just be forced now to buy another one. Ooooh - we can be twins.
When I registered for my triathlon last summer, I considered the Athena division for women over 155. Right now I'm shaking my head at myself as, aloud, I'd questioned: "Does anyone my age weigh under 155?" I had surrendered and, still being fairly slender and within my normal healthy weight range, I assumed that the older we get, the heavier we weigh.
When I impulsively started this weight loss journey on March 1, I weighed in at 161. Pinch me! I'm down 21.5 pounds and the shorts I'm wearing are completely falling off of me! Back to school shopping is going to be really special this year... Mama gets some new clothes too - only, opposite the children, mine will be smaller and not BIGGER.
Cori, thanks for casually complaining about the diet you were on... Your complaining prompted our life change.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Nebraska...the good life.
I can't believe that one week from today will be July 1. Who gave summer permission to fly by so quickly?
Bryan just had an unexpected long weekend...the first REAL WEEKEND he's had since starting his job in September...so we took advantage of it and headed up to Nebraska for some camping. You know, since it IS the good life.
We'd heard great things about their state parks, and the parks did not disappoint.
We tented, of course.
At Louisville State Recreation Area. It was packed. Only 10 spots left in the entire campground when we made our reservations online five days prior.
We had a shady spot, close to air-conditioned restrooms and shower house. And close to the river. There were people everywhere - floating down the river, fishing, swimming, playing tag, riding bikes... And a dude driving the Mystery Machine.
Our spot was gorgeous. In the back of the park - tents only, no RV's. I don't know that our kids had ever seen so many fireflies or stars. And we saw the space station fly overhead as we turned off the lantern for bed on the last night.
We played Uno in the tent every night. And roasted marshmallows and enjoyed lots of s'mores. We landed on good radio stations - oldies and some classic rock. Oldies as in REAL oldies, not the 70's, 80's and 90's stuff stations are passing off as "oldies". Each morning we had delicious pancakes and biscuits and gravy in a downtown cafe - one that serves homemade pies and malts. While waiting for breakfast, we played Dominoes. I won once. In the car, we listened to the iPod, and I read Harry Potter to the family. Good thing I don't get carsick while reading in the car.
We visited the Strategic Air and Space Museum. It would have been really fun and fascinating five years ago when Zach was obsessed with space, but it was still a very fun learning experience. So many awesome planes and interactive games and activities.
But I was so tired that I actually fell asleep for a few minutes...gasp! I did NOT sleep the night before.
After the air and space museum, we broke for a late lunch and then headed over to the Lee G. Simmons Conservation Park and Wildlife Safari. We saw a lot of animals and gorgeous land as we drove through the park, and enjoyed a mile hike around the bears and wolves. We were only able to catch glimpses of the wolves as they ran through the brush, but a bear came out as I made kissing sounds at it. I would never have thought that a crazy bear would respond to this silly mom entertaining her youngest child, but evidently he finds my kisses irresistible too. Luke thinks I'm a bear whisperer [kisser] now.
Did I mention that we tented through a horrible downpour on our first night? This is why I was so tired at the museum... And some water pooled under our tent in spots, so the rest of the weekend it felt like we were walking on a waterbed. But the pooled up water was nothing compared to the lightening and thunder... Why must it always storm when we camp? One of these days Bryan is going to mean it when he declares it his LAST time tenting.
Thankfully, it was perfectly smooth sailing after that stormy night. Clear skies. Blue by day, starry by night.
I forgot to mention that we went to an Omaha Storm Chasers game on Friday night too. It was a beautiful night for baseball. And we enjoyed a Storm Chasers win!
On our final day, we stopped by the Ak-Sar-Ben Aquarium at Schramm SRA. It cost us all of $2.50 in admission fees and we learned a lot and had a great time. A must see, for sure. Our favorite thing there is the classroom with interactive games and an awesome touch table - AWESOME! And... As our final bit of vacation fun, we opted for a swim at the water park at Eugene T. Mahoney State Park in lieu of showers. Yea, that's how we roll. We surfed, slid, swam and splashed till our hearts content... No pictures though, as the camera battery died last night.
On the drive home we were already brainstorming plans for our next Nebraska camping trip. Good times. Nebraska is ... the good life.
Bryan just had an unexpected long weekend...the first REAL WEEKEND he's had since starting his job in September...so we took advantage of it and headed up to Nebraska for some camping. You know, since it IS the good life.
We'd heard great things about their state parks, and the parks did not disappoint.
We tented, of course.
At Louisville State Recreation Area. It was packed. Only 10 spots left in the entire campground when we made our reservations online five days prior.
We had a shady spot, close to air-conditioned restrooms and shower house. And close to the river. There were people everywhere - floating down the river, fishing, swimming, playing tag, riding bikes... And a dude driving the Mystery Machine.
Our spot was gorgeous. In the back of the park - tents only, no RV's. I don't know that our kids had ever seen so many fireflies or stars. And we saw the space station fly overhead as we turned off the lantern for bed on the last night.
We played Uno in the tent every night. And roasted marshmallows and enjoyed lots of s'mores. We landed on good radio stations - oldies and some classic rock. Oldies as in REAL oldies, not the 70's, 80's and 90's stuff stations are passing off as "oldies". Each morning we had delicious pancakes and biscuits and gravy in a downtown cafe - one that serves homemade pies and malts. While waiting for breakfast, we played Dominoes. I won once. In the car, we listened to the iPod, and I read Harry Potter to the family. Good thing I don't get carsick while reading in the car.
We visited the Strategic Air and Space Museum. It would have been really fun and fascinating five years ago when Zach was obsessed with space, but it was still a very fun learning experience. So many awesome planes and interactive games and activities.
But I was so tired that I actually fell asleep for a few minutes...gasp! I did NOT sleep the night before.
After the air and space museum, we broke for a late lunch and then headed over to the Lee G. Simmons Conservation Park and Wildlife Safari. We saw a lot of animals and gorgeous land as we drove through the park, and enjoyed a mile hike around the bears and wolves. We were only able to catch glimpses of the wolves as they ran through the brush, but a bear came out as I made kissing sounds at it. I would never have thought that a crazy bear would respond to this silly mom entertaining her youngest child, but evidently he finds my kisses irresistible too. Luke thinks I'm a bear whisperer [kisser] now.
Did I mention that we tented through a horrible downpour on our first night? This is why I was so tired at the museum... And some water pooled under our tent in spots, so the rest of the weekend it felt like we were walking on a waterbed. But the pooled up water was nothing compared to the lightening and thunder... Why must it always storm when we camp? One of these days Bryan is going to mean it when he declares it his LAST time tenting.
Thankfully, it was perfectly smooth sailing after that stormy night. Clear skies. Blue by day, starry by night.
I forgot to mention that we went to an Omaha Storm Chasers game on Friday night too. It was a beautiful night for baseball. And we enjoyed a Storm Chasers win!
On our final day, we stopped by the Ak-Sar-Ben Aquarium at Schramm SRA. It cost us all of $2.50 in admission fees and we learned a lot and had a great time. A must see, for sure. Our favorite thing there is the classroom with interactive games and an awesome touch table - AWESOME! And... As our final bit of vacation fun, we opted for a swim at the water park at Eugene T. Mahoney State Park in lieu of showers. Yea, that's how we roll. We surfed, slid, swam and splashed till our hearts content... No pictures though, as the camera battery died last night.
On the drive home we were already brainstorming plans for our next Nebraska camping trip. Good times. Nebraska is ... the good life.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Rapidly growing
To my youngest son,
Lots of tears have been shed and protests made as your older brother goes off to events that you can't attend... School field trips, field day, sports camps, overnights, birthday parties, etc. "He gets to do everything and I get to do nothing." You are so sad sometimes....but this just comes with the territory of being the younger brother, and not even a kindergartner yet. But, your time is rapidly approaching.
Rapidly.
Until then, I want you to know that you have something he doesn't have. You have more grown-up alone time with me and I absolutely love it! When he was your age, I was pretty busy chasing around his high-maintenance, strong-willed, not-quite-three-year-old brother. When he was your age, we were bound to the house more. He still watched Go Diego Go and Bob the Builder - imagine the horror. We did not operate then like you and I do now. You'd call it, well, baby'ish.
You are my super handy helpmate. I love when you help me with chores. When you rinse dishes. Or clear the table. Or take out the trash. Or vacuum. Or scrub the bathrooms. Or help me sweep the floor. Or fetch things under furniture. I love when you help me with laundry, schlepping clothes from the the laundry table (also known as our dining room table) up to your closet or dresser. And I love when you help me make the beds. You are also great help in the yard - pulling weeds, digging holes, watering, raking leaves, planting. Never, ever, complaining or asking what your brother has done to help. You are HAPPY to be helping - with your head high and your chest sticking out like the man you fancy yourself being. You are an incredible help to me around the house, and I will fondly hold these memories in my heart forever.
You are also a most awesome shopping companion. Reading the list, ticking things off, checking prices, and even scanning items at self check. You are a great help loading and unloading the van. And you sometimes help put things away at home. I love to have you around when I shop.
And carpooling... How many times have I interrupted your play time with, "C'mon, Buddy. It's time to go get the kids."? You promptly meet me at the door asking where we're going and who we might be giving a ride to. Somehow it never feels like you're the little bro tagging along, but, rather, a second chaperone who just happens to still ride in a booster seat. Perhaps this is why you are always telling Zach what to do..."Don't forget your water bottle. Put that in the trash. Buckle your seat belt. Don't run in the parking lot."
And there are all the priceless conversations we've had along the way. Endless listings of rides you're going to conquer this summer at Worlds of Fun, or ideas you have for your 6th birthday party, or school supplies you want to buy for kindergarten. Questions about nature, animals, God, space, etc.. Stories you tell me about outings with Grandpa, playtime with friends, and games you play with Zach. When you confide in me things you're afraid of or want to learn. Questions you have about school or sports. You even ask about family history. I like talking to you.
I can't even imagine what these mundane, daily activities are going to look like when you're away at school next year. Time has flown by. Rapidly.
This is probably little consolation, for who wouldn't rather be at a birthday party than scrubbing a toilet? But, for me, this time in your life...when you're simply not old enough to be on the go all the time...has been precious. I've loved having you all to myself and will miss you when you go off to school. I'm so glad God gave you to me. Love you, Buddy.
PS: Before you get the wrong impression and think I only had you so you could help me around the house... Know that I love ALL the things we do - and the majority is crafts, board games, books, library days, museum trips, parks, sports, playdates, etc. I just want you to know how special it is to me that - at this time in your life - we fit very well into each others lives. I'm guessing that once you start school, I'll take care of all of "my" things while you're at school and our family schedule and activities will pretty much revolve around you and your brother.
Lots of tears have been shed and protests made as your older brother goes off to events that you can't attend... School field trips, field day, sports camps, overnights, birthday parties, etc. "He gets to do everything and I get to do nothing." You are so sad sometimes....but this just comes with the territory of being the younger brother, and not even a kindergartner yet. But, your time is rapidly approaching.
Rapidly.
Until then, I want you to know that you have something he doesn't have. You have more grown-up alone time with me and I absolutely love it! When he was your age, I was pretty busy chasing around his high-maintenance, strong-willed, not-quite-three-year-old brother. When he was your age, we were bound to the house more. He still watched Go Diego Go and Bob the Builder - imagine the horror. We did not operate then like you and I do now. You'd call it, well, baby'ish.
You are my super handy helpmate. I love when you help me with chores. When you rinse dishes. Or clear the table. Or take out the trash. Or vacuum. Or scrub the bathrooms. Or help me sweep the floor. Or fetch things under furniture. I love when you help me with laundry, schlepping clothes from the the laundry table (also known as our dining room table) up to your closet or dresser. And I love when you help me make the beds. You are also great help in the yard - pulling weeds, digging holes, watering, raking leaves, planting. Never, ever, complaining or asking what your brother has done to help. You are HAPPY to be helping - with your head high and your chest sticking out like the man you fancy yourself being. You are an incredible help to me around the house, and I will fondly hold these memories in my heart forever.
You are also a most awesome shopping companion. Reading the list, ticking things off, checking prices, and even scanning items at self check. You are a great help loading and unloading the van. And you sometimes help put things away at home. I love to have you around when I shop.
And carpooling... How many times have I interrupted your play time with, "C'mon, Buddy. It's time to go get the kids."? You promptly meet me at the door asking where we're going and who we might be giving a ride to. Somehow it never feels like you're the little bro tagging along, but, rather, a second chaperone who just happens to still ride in a booster seat. Perhaps this is why you are always telling Zach what to do..."Don't forget your water bottle. Put that in the trash. Buckle your seat belt. Don't run in the parking lot."
And there are all the priceless conversations we've had along the way. Endless listings of rides you're going to conquer this summer at Worlds of Fun, or ideas you have for your 6th birthday party, or school supplies you want to buy for kindergarten. Questions about nature, animals, God, space, etc.. Stories you tell me about outings with Grandpa, playtime with friends, and games you play with Zach. When you confide in me things you're afraid of or want to learn. Questions you have about school or sports. You even ask about family history. I like talking to you.
I can't even imagine what these mundane, daily activities are going to look like when you're away at school next year. Time has flown by. Rapidly.
This is probably little consolation, for who wouldn't rather be at a birthday party than scrubbing a toilet? But, for me, this time in your life...when you're simply not old enough to be on the go all the time...has been precious. I've loved having you all to myself and will miss you when you go off to school. I'm so glad God gave you to me. Love you, Buddy.
PS: Before you get the wrong impression and think I only had you so you could help me around the house... Know that I love ALL the things we do - and the majority is crafts, board games, books, library days, museum trips, parks, sports, playdates, etc. I just want you to know how special it is to me that - at this time in your life - we fit very well into each others lives. I'm guessing that once you start school, I'll take care of all of "my" things while you're at school and our family schedule and activities will pretty much revolve around you and your brother.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
What's your secret?
People keep asking me that... What's your secret? How have you lost the weight?
The truth is, the only secret I've kept about my weight loss is what I weighed on the day I decided to make a change.
161.
No more secrets.
I weighed one pound MORE than I did the day I delivered each of my children. I was miserable. Stomach aches. Discomfort sitting. Shirts embarrassingly snug. Pants quickly becoming too small - and already four sizes bigger than what I'd been most of my life.
I weighed MORE on March 1, 2012 than I did at NINE MONTHS AND FOUR DAYS PREGNANT. How was the even possible?
PCOS. That's how.
I had been running off and on for three years, and very regularly for a year. And I picked up triathlons last summer... And I was still GAINING weight. Exercise was not doing the trick, and one more pound would officially put me in the "over-weight" column. At 161, I was at the highest possible weight within the "normal" range for a woman my age and height.
My friend casually mentioned feeling cranky because she'd started a new "diet" and I inquired about it. I had lots of questions, she had lots of answers... I discussed it with Bryan, and we decided to give it a shot. Yea, that's how we roll... You hate your diet? We think we'll try it! After all, at the time, they were waiving membership fees and the monthly online fee is only $15/month.
So, we joined Weight Watchers.
Within the first two days, my dietary pitfalls were overwhelmingly obvious. I was a carbivore. I snacked and dined on carbs all day, every day. Dairy too. And my veggie and protein intake was minimal.
As you read the following, keep in mind that I'm only allowed 26 WW points per day.
Obvious bad choice #1: One cup of Kashi GoLean cereal with half a cup of skim milk is SEVEN points, and it was not filling. I quickly discovered that two eggs, with four ounces of ham and a sprinkle of reduced fat cheese is only SIX points and sometimes more than I can eat. Added bonus - the protein kick at the start of the day does a body GREAT. My body, anyway...
Obvious bad choice #2: Beverages. My favorite smoothie and my favorite Starbucks Chai Tea Latte are each SEVEN points. I used to feel proud that I could be satisfied with simply drinking my breakfast in the form of a yummy latte; after all, how can a beverage be bad for you? But, it's really just a lot of carbs with a dash of milk. These days, lattes are saved for special treats. (My wallet AND my waist line thank me.)
Obvious bad choice #3: Portion size. A portion of chicken should be the size of a deck of cards - about 3 ounces. I'm guessing that a chicken breast these days is about double that... Weigh, weigh, weigh. I weigh food as I prepare plates.
Obvious bad choice #4: Fish and shrimp are such low point foods, they might as well be free! And we NEVER cooked with either before. Now, we eat fish or shrimp a couple times a week.
Obvious bad choice #5: Breads. A slice of bread is 3 points. A whole bagel is about 7 points. A pb&j - brace yourself - ELEVEN points. And who's full after eating a pb&j? Instead of sandwiches, these days I make wraps. A Mama Lupe Low-Carb tortilla is TWO points, or THREE points for 2 tortillas. So, I often have two chicken wraps with a total of 3oz chicken (and lettuce, mustard, a sprinkle of reduced fat cheese and tomatoes) for a SIX point meal. Tasty and filling, without all the bread.
Obvious bad choice #6: Crackers. On day two, I made this enormous salad. Green leaf lettuce, red bell pepper, cherry tomatoes, sliced cucumber, cauliflower - so far, all ZERO points. I added 3 oz of chicken breast for protein at THREE points. I topped it with Target's Market Pantry brand Fat-Free Raspberry Vinaigrette at 2 TBS for ONE point. My enormous dinner-plate sized salad came to a whopping FOUR points. I wanted to add a little crunch, so I reached for my favorite Multi-Grain Club Crackers. Multi-grain is good, right? Ten crackers were FIVE points. MORE THAN THE ENTIRE SALAD WITH CHICKEN AND DRESSING!!! I quickly nixed the crackers.....and the future dinner plans I had for an entire sleeve of crackers and half a cheeseball.
Obvious bad choice #7: Dining out. This is a no-brainer. But dining out really doesn't have to blow your healthy eating. Check out the nutritional information before you order. For most larger chains, you can find the info online, and even sometimes on the menu. Most restaurants will even have a hard-copy print-out that you can read through while browsing the menu. The Weight Watchers website even has point values for a lot of restaurant menu items. Don't ever go in blind. You'll kick yourself later when you log in that Olive Garden salad at 5 points and breadsticks at 4 points each. (Does anyone stop at just one breadstick?)
Obvious bad choice #8: Desserts. I have a sweet tooth. I love fancy cakes, thick fudge brownies, lemon bars, cherry pies, carrot cake, candy... There's this one dark chocolate cake at Costco that I love. One slice is TWENTY SEVEN points. Yea, that's more than I'm allowed in an entire day. So... I've found that I can snack on a few bites of dessert or candy, but then I've got to move on. Or eat angel food cake with Cool Whip Lite and strawberries. Or Weight Watchers ice cream treats. They're anywhere from 1-4 points and delicious!
Obvious bad choice #9: Full fat dips, dressings, cheeses, etc. I had NEVER purchased a low-fat or fat free item other than milk in my entire life. After seeing the point values for full-fat vs reduced or no fat alternatives, making the switch was a no brainer.
I love that Weight Watchers has a simple points system. I like math. And it's easy to compare two meals - one at 7 points and another at 23 - and see the obvious wiser choice. And I love that Weight Watchers gives you a daily allowance, and then bonus extra points to use throughout the week. I have 49 extra points per week, so - should I splurge on that awesome Costco 27 point cake - I don't completely blow it. And you can earn points through exercise too. Weight Watchers is not restrictive in what you can or cannot eat, and they even allow cushion in your points allowance for a soda, dessert, fried chicken, or spaghetti...
The bottom line for me... Exercise alone was never going to be my ticket to weight loss. I had to change the way I was eating, and the Weight Watchers plan of loads of fruits and veggies, and good protein choices is just what I needed.
As of this week, I've lost exactly 20 pounds. I am down to 141, and am feeling better than I have in years. I would like to lose another 5-8 pounds, but would honestly be thrilled just to fall back down into the 130's. Who am I kidding? I'm thrilled to be at 141! I never thought I'd lose all that weight that PCOS had caused me to gain. Or rather, PCOS provided me with a malfunctioning pancreas....and I chose all the wrong foods to eat. I had resigned myself to being on Metformin and birth control to manage my weight gain as well as possible, while accepting 5 added pounds per year as a fact of life.
No more...
I don't want to speak for my hottie husband, but I will say that he's lost about 45 pounds and is going strong! He looks amazing and feels better and is more active than he's been since college. He's a new man! I firmly believe that changing over to a Weight Watchers lifestyle has been made easier because we've done it as a team. I could not be more proud of my man for his dedication to healthier living. I look forward to growing VERY OLD with him. After all, he is totally H.O.T.
The truth is, the only secret I've kept about my weight loss is what I weighed on the day I decided to make a change.
161.
No more secrets.
I weighed one pound MORE than I did the day I delivered each of my children. I was miserable. Stomach aches. Discomfort sitting. Shirts embarrassingly snug. Pants quickly becoming too small - and already four sizes bigger than what I'd been most of my life.
I weighed MORE on March 1, 2012 than I did at NINE MONTHS AND FOUR DAYS PREGNANT. How was the even possible?
PCOS. That's how.
I had been running off and on for three years, and very regularly for a year. And I picked up triathlons last summer... And I was still GAINING weight. Exercise was not doing the trick, and one more pound would officially put me in the "over-weight" column. At 161, I was at the highest possible weight within the "normal" range for a woman my age and height.
My friend casually mentioned feeling cranky because she'd started a new "diet" and I inquired about it. I had lots of questions, she had lots of answers... I discussed it with Bryan, and we decided to give it a shot. Yea, that's how we roll... You hate your diet? We think we'll try it! After all, at the time, they were waiving membership fees and the monthly online fee is only $15/month.
So, we joined Weight Watchers.
Within the first two days, my dietary pitfalls were overwhelmingly obvious. I was a carbivore. I snacked and dined on carbs all day, every day. Dairy too. And my veggie and protein intake was minimal.
As you read the following, keep in mind that I'm only allowed 26 WW points per day.
Obvious bad choice #1: One cup of Kashi GoLean cereal with half a cup of skim milk is SEVEN points, and it was not filling. I quickly discovered that two eggs, with four ounces of ham and a sprinkle of reduced fat cheese is only SIX points and sometimes more than I can eat. Added bonus - the protein kick at the start of the day does a body GREAT. My body, anyway...
Obvious bad choice #2: Beverages. My favorite smoothie and my favorite Starbucks Chai Tea Latte are each SEVEN points. I used to feel proud that I could be satisfied with simply drinking my breakfast in the form of a yummy latte; after all, how can a beverage be bad for you? But, it's really just a lot of carbs with a dash of milk. These days, lattes are saved for special treats. (My wallet AND my waist line thank me.)
Obvious bad choice #3: Portion size. A portion of chicken should be the size of a deck of cards - about 3 ounces. I'm guessing that a chicken breast these days is about double that... Weigh, weigh, weigh. I weigh food as I prepare plates.
Obvious bad choice #4: Fish and shrimp are such low point foods, they might as well be free! And we NEVER cooked with either before. Now, we eat fish or shrimp a couple times a week.
Obvious bad choice #5: Breads. A slice of bread is 3 points. A whole bagel is about 7 points. A pb&j - brace yourself - ELEVEN points. And who's full after eating a pb&j? Instead of sandwiches, these days I make wraps. A Mama Lupe Low-Carb tortilla is TWO points, or THREE points for 2 tortillas. So, I often have two chicken wraps with a total of 3oz chicken (and lettuce, mustard, a sprinkle of reduced fat cheese and tomatoes) for a SIX point meal. Tasty and filling, without all the bread.
Obvious bad choice #6: Crackers. On day two, I made this enormous salad. Green leaf lettuce, red bell pepper, cherry tomatoes, sliced cucumber, cauliflower - so far, all ZERO points. I added 3 oz of chicken breast for protein at THREE points. I topped it with Target's Market Pantry brand Fat-Free Raspberry Vinaigrette at 2 TBS for ONE point. My enormous dinner-plate sized salad came to a whopping FOUR points. I wanted to add a little crunch, so I reached for my favorite Multi-Grain Club Crackers. Multi-grain is good, right? Ten crackers were FIVE points. MORE THAN THE ENTIRE SALAD WITH CHICKEN AND DRESSING!!! I quickly nixed the crackers.....and the future dinner plans I had for an entire sleeve of crackers and half a cheeseball.
Obvious bad choice #7: Dining out. This is a no-brainer. But dining out really doesn't have to blow your healthy eating. Check out the nutritional information before you order. For most larger chains, you can find the info online, and even sometimes on the menu. Most restaurants will even have a hard-copy print-out that you can read through while browsing the menu. The Weight Watchers website even has point values for a lot of restaurant menu items. Don't ever go in blind. You'll kick yourself later when you log in that Olive Garden salad at 5 points and breadsticks at 4 points each. (Does anyone stop at just one breadstick?)
Obvious bad choice #8: Desserts. I have a sweet tooth. I love fancy cakes, thick fudge brownies, lemon bars, cherry pies, carrot cake, candy... There's this one dark chocolate cake at Costco that I love. One slice is TWENTY SEVEN points. Yea, that's more than I'm allowed in an entire day. So... I've found that I can snack on a few bites of dessert or candy, but then I've got to move on. Or eat angel food cake with Cool Whip Lite and strawberries. Or Weight Watchers ice cream treats. They're anywhere from 1-4 points and delicious!
Obvious bad choice #9: Full fat dips, dressings, cheeses, etc. I had NEVER purchased a low-fat or fat free item other than milk in my entire life. After seeing the point values for full-fat vs reduced or no fat alternatives, making the switch was a no brainer.
I love that Weight Watchers has a simple points system. I like math. And it's easy to compare two meals - one at 7 points and another at 23 - and see the obvious wiser choice. And I love that Weight Watchers gives you a daily allowance, and then bonus extra points to use throughout the week. I have 49 extra points per week, so - should I splurge on that awesome Costco 27 point cake - I don't completely blow it. And you can earn points through exercise too. Weight Watchers is not restrictive in what you can or cannot eat, and they even allow cushion in your points allowance for a soda, dessert, fried chicken, or spaghetti...
The bottom line for me... Exercise alone was never going to be my ticket to weight loss. I had to change the way I was eating, and the Weight Watchers plan of loads of fruits and veggies, and good protein choices is just what I needed.
As of this week, I've lost exactly 20 pounds. I am down to 141, and am feeling better than I have in years. I would like to lose another 5-8 pounds, but would honestly be thrilled just to fall back down into the 130's. Who am I kidding? I'm thrilled to be at 141! I never thought I'd lose all that weight that PCOS had caused me to gain. Or rather, PCOS provided me with a malfunctioning pancreas....and I chose all the wrong foods to eat. I had resigned myself to being on Metformin and birth control to manage my weight gain as well as possible, while accepting 5 added pounds per year as a fact of life.
No more...
I don't want to speak for my hottie husband, but I will say that he's lost about 45 pounds and is going strong! He looks amazing and feels better and is more active than he's been since college. He's a new man! I firmly believe that changing over to a Weight Watchers lifestyle has been made easier because we've done it as a team. I could not be more proud of my man for his dedication to healthier living. I look forward to growing VERY OLD with him. After all, he is totally H.O.T.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Overwhelmingly blessed
I can hardly believe that my parents' daughter graduated with a college degree last night.
When I think back to who I was when I graduated from high school twenty years ago, it's easy to remember a wounded young woman, invisible, undeserving.
A young woman all alone, with no direction, no confidence and a whole host of self-destructive coping mechanisms.
Abandoned daughter of an addict. Daughter whose father and grandfather had dropped out of high school, and dropped out of their children's lives before they had the chance to know them.
Daughter of a depressed, heart-broken woman. Daughter whose mother scarcely showed approval or spoke words of encouragement.
A young woman who'd never been told that education was important, or that she could accomplish anything she'd set her mind to.
That's who I was well into my late twenties...
I took that wounded young woman off to college with me right out of high school. College, where I floundered, not sure how I fit in, dropping classes, "passing" classes with D's, earning such a low GPA that no college or university would touch me after two years.
I left college then, never expecting to return.
But I did... Completely unexpectedly.
And I completed the coursework over these last two years with one C shy of a 4.0. (Darned Chemistry.)
Receiving an Associates Degree is a casual milestone in the life of most 20 year olds... But, for me, completion of this degree is a major accomplishment. Honestly something I never thought I'd come close to.
As I prepared for graduation over these last few weeks, I was overwhelmed - once again - by the incredible miracles God has worked in my life. Aside from looking like an older version of that girl from twenty years ago, I do not resemble her at all. My heart is mended. My esteem, not a reflection of how I think others see me, but of how I know God does. Gifts and talents recognized. Inexplicable passions and direction. Determination.
The Lord has worked a mighty miracle.
While my mother often had difficulty expressing delight in me, she did find the words in her last years. I know she was proud. And my in-laws, siblings, friends, extended family, husband and children could not have been more supportive as I returned to school, studied like mad, and occasionally dropped a ball as I juggled a little more than I could handle at times. I am so grateful.
So changed.
I have an incredible life. And an Associates of Science in Early Childhood Development. (That Science part makes me laugh out loud!)
Praise the Lord.
.....Check back in a few years for my Bachelors in Elementary Education. ESU class of 2015 (or '16) or bust!
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Pain in the .... BACK
People keep asking, "Why the break from running?" And, frankly, the answer is really very exciting. Like, I never knew I could feel this good exciting. So, I thought I'd blog ... in the event that my experience will help the one or two people who are still reading my blog.
(I've just about fell off the blogging bandwagon. Life has been CRAZY this year. But school's out soon, and I just can't wait to get back to writing.)
Back to the question at hand.
I had a bad cold and a ten day cough... And I have had sciatica/pinched nerve issues for the last 15 years or so, and the coughing caused an episode.
After five days, I called my regular chiropractor (team doc to our city's professional outdoor soccer team) and he couldn't get me in for about a week. So, I called a childhood friend (who is also a chiropractor) and asked if there was any chance she could see me sooner.
You see, I had a really bad episode two years ago. Went to my regular chiropractor twice, no real improvement. Went to my GP, who sent me to a hospital for x-rays (lying down), and wound up in physical therapy for five weeks. I learned a lot of great stretches, but it took a long time to get well ... and took another five months for me to start running again!
I'm too committed to my running to go through all of that if it can be avoided, so I decided to go see the friend who's been inviting me in since that last terrible episode two years ago.
And she took an x-ray. Standing. Something no previous doctor has ever done.
There, in black and white, my problem was plain as day.
Terrible posture. Instead of standing up straight, I was arching my back (as in tummy forward, rear and shoulders back, chest out). This severe "c" of an arch left little room between vertebrae for the nerves to come out, so they'd get pinched when irritated.
So my sweet chiropractor friend started work to adjust and massage things back into place, and I started doing my old PT stretches - mainly hamstrings and yoga cat pose. One week (three visits) later and my back is 100% again and my posture is much improved.
And, you know what? I totally stood like that because I thought it made me look thinner. I looked at myself in the mirror that first night, first using my old posture, and then the corrected posture, and the correct posture looks so much better! I look like I lost another inch (and discovered that I have abs!) just by rotating my hips forward rather than sticking my rear out.
It's amazing how much relief I feel when standing properly! It's a habit that I'm having to break, so I catch myself arching every now and then. Thankfully, it's hard not to notice ... after all, it causes pain!
So, that's why the break. A little pain in the back, and a promise to my new chiropractor that I'd take a week to rest. I promptly ran the minute one week was up ... but I did so with my posture in mind the entire time.
So, if you have lower back pain / sciatica, consider seeing a chiropractor who uses standing x-rays. They are worth every penny. I won't be returning to my old chiropractor.
(I've just about fell off the blogging bandwagon. Life has been CRAZY this year. But school's out soon, and I just can't wait to get back to writing.)
Back to the question at hand.
I had a bad cold and a ten day cough... And I have had sciatica/pinched nerve issues for the last 15 years or so, and the coughing caused an episode.
After five days, I called my regular chiropractor (team doc to our city's professional outdoor soccer team) and he couldn't get me in for about a week. So, I called a childhood friend (who is also a chiropractor) and asked if there was any chance she could see me sooner.
You see, I had a really bad episode two years ago. Went to my regular chiropractor twice, no real improvement. Went to my GP, who sent me to a hospital for x-rays (lying down), and wound up in physical therapy for five weeks. I learned a lot of great stretches, but it took a long time to get well ... and took another five months for me to start running again!
I'm too committed to my running to go through all of that if it can be avoided, so I decided to go see the friend who's been inviting me in since that last terrible episode two years ago.
And she took an x-ray. Standing. Something no previous doctor has ever done.
There, in black and white, my problem was plain as day.
Terrible posture. Instead of standing up straight, I was arching my back (as in tummy forward, rear and shoulders back, chest out). This severe "c" of an arch left little room between vertebrae for the nerves to come out, so they'd get pinched when irritated.
So my sweet chiropractor friend started work to adjust and massage things back into place, and I started doing my old PT stretches - mainly hamstrings and yoga cat pose. One week (three visits) later and my back is 100% again and my posture is much improved.
And, you know what? I totally stood like that because I thought it made me look thinner. I looked at myself in the mirror that first night, first using my old posture, and then the corrected posture, and the correct posture looks so much better! I look like I lost another inch (and discovered that I have abs!) just by rotating my hips forward rather than sticking my rear out.
It's amazing how much relief I feel when standing properly! It's a habit that I'm having to break, so I catch myself arching every now and then. Thankfully, it's hard not to notice ... after all, it causes pain!
So, that's why the break. A little pain in the back, and a promise to my new chiropractor that I'd take a week to rest. I promptly ran the minute one week was up ... but I did so with my posture in mind the entire time.
So, if you have lower back pain / sciatica, consider seeing a chiropractor who uses standing x-rays. They are worth every penny. I won't be returning to my old chiropractor.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Remembering Mom
A couple of weeks ago, I received an email from Zach's soccer coach asking if we'd be interested in participating in a tournament on Mother's Day weekend. Just hearing the words Mother's Day reduced me to tears. I promptly closed the email and pretended that I didn't get it. Then the coach texted me with the same question... More tears and a feeling of dread, as I texted "yes". Mother's Day must go on.
A few days later it occurred to me that she would miss my graduation.
First, I'd tearfully anticipated Easter. Then Zach was in the ER with strep throat the night before, so all of our Easter plans were canceled.
Then my nephew's birthday party was this past Saturday. It was weird and sad to be there without Mom, but still such a blessed time to celebrate Jarrad and be with family.
Soon it will be Mother's Day. Then my birthday. Then my graduation.
Interestingly enough, very similar to how the sadness of missing her hits like a ton of bricks unexpectedly, so does the joy of having known her. Thankfully, these joyful reminders happen throughout the day, every day.
As I slipped a black shirt on this morning, I caught my reflection in the mirror. I was wearing two different blacks that didn't quite match. I smiled ... and then changed clothes. Mom always told me that it was impossible to match blacks if it wasn't purchased as a set.
She also told me never to wear pink lipstick with red clothing, or vice versa. I never have.
I get a good laugh every time I hear her saying, "It's very important for a wife to rise in the morning before her husband so she can brush her teeth, wash her face and straighten her hair before he sees her." Who does that?
There were also strict instructions to brush my hair 100 strokes before bed every night to make it shinier. I didn't have time for that as a kid, and I'm afraid that if I did it now it would simply fall out!
She also thought that shaving legs was critically important; however, I vividly remember frequently sitting between her stubbly legs as she'd braid or curl my hair when I was young (torture times two - being scratched by her stubbly legs and the traumatic hair styling!).
All of my mom's talks must have hit home though, as a razor and tooth brush are the two comfort items I'd want if heading out to Survivor Island. (Do they still take comfort items?) And I will forever haunt the caregiver who fails to shave my legs if I'm ever incapacitated!
I see her hands every time I look down at my own. I hear her voice every time I gasp in surprise. Potato soup, baked mac and cheese, and stuffed peppers remind me of Mom, as do scarves and the Sound of Music.
Remembering her makes me smile, and laugh... And these are merely the reminders I've had of Mom today! Praise God that tomorrow is another day, and it will surely greet me with other reminders of her.
A few days later it occurred to me that she would miss my graduation.
First, I'd tearfully anticipated Easter. Then Zach was in the ER with strep throat the night before, so all of our Easter plans were canceled.
Then my nephew's birthday party was this past Saturday. It was weird and sad to be there without Mom, but still such a blessed time to celebrate Jarrad and be with family.
Soon it will be Mother's Day. Then my birthday. Then my graduation.
Interestingly enough, very similar to how the sadness of missing her hits like a ton of bricks unexpectedly, so does the joy of having known her. Thankfully, these joyful reminders happen throughout the day, every day.
As I slipped a black shirt on this morning, I caught my reflection in the mirror. I was wearing two different blacks that didn't quite match. I smiled ... and then changed clothes. Mom always told me that it was impossible to match blacks if it wasn't purchased as a set.
She also told me never to wear pink lipstick with red clothing, or vice versa. I never have.
I get a good laugh every time I hear her saying, "It's very important for a wife to rise in the morning before her husband so she can brush her teeth, wash her face and straighten her hair before he sees her." Who does that?
There were also strict instructions to brush my hair 100 strokes before bed every night to make it shinier. I didn't have time for that as a kid, and I'm afraid that if I did it now it would simply fall out!
She also thought that shaving legs was critically important; however, I vividly remember frequently sitting between her stubbly legs as she'd braid or curl my hair when I was young (torture times two - being scratched by her stubbly legs and the traumatic hair styling!).
All of my mom's talks must have hit home though, as a razor and tooth brush are the two comfort items I'd want if heading out to Survivor Island. (Do they still take comfort items?) And I will forever haunt the caregiver who fails to shave my legs if I'm ever incapacitated!
I see her hands every time I look down at my own. I hear her voice every time I gasp in surprise. Potato soup, baked mac and cheese, and stuffed peppers remind me of Mom, as do scarves and the Sound of Music.
Remembering her makes me smile, and laugh... And these are merely the reminders I've had of Mom today! Praise God that tomorrow is another day, and it will surely greet me with other reminders of her.
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