Anxious

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” ~ Elizabeth Stone

Truer words were never spoken.  

My sister-in-law shared this quote with me when I was pregnant with Zachary.  I thought I understood it at 7 months pregnant, and then I looked into my newborn child's eyes and had an even greater appreciation for the heart now beating outside my body.  And each time a new first arises, I feel it all over again.

Today's first is an after school function.  We have always been there to drop the kids off at school (and church, playdates, parties, etc.) and pick them back up.  Door-to-door basically.  Sure, we have shared carpooling with friends, but with each new carpooling scenario I feel a tinge of anxiety on the first day about the safety and whereabouts of my child.

Today...  It's not another hand-picked mom that I am trusting with my child.  I'm trusting my child.

He's got to get from point A to point B - inside the walls of the school - for an after school party.  We are trusting him to do this.  It really should be pretty simple, but I think I will be a little nervous until I see him after the party

What if he doesn't show up?  Wanders off?  Will anyone call us if he doesn't make it to the party?  Do they do a headcount?  Check names off a list?

I resisted the urge to email the party coordinator and tell her specifically how to keep my kid safe.  This is not her first rodeo and I can't be that mom.

We talked with Zachary about what we expect of him after school....and how we fully expect to see him immediately after the party.  I am sure he will do exactly as he should, but I can't help feeling as if my heart is beating outside my body today.

Praying today that our heavenly father protects this child, as he discovers the world on his own accord.  Not just today, but everyday.  After all, our purpose is not to raise a full-grown child, but to prepare an independent, confident, capable young man to stand on his own two feet and not forever need a hovering mother [or father].