I got a little behind on my Bible study with all the birthday partying last week, and I am so grateful that happened! If I wasn't behind, the timing for what I read this morning would not have been perfect and it wouldn't have smacked me in the face with marital conviction the way it did this morning.
Bryan and I don't argue often, but we can easily become snippy and impatient. A few days ago, snippy and impatient boiled over into a full-blown argument, complete with finger pointing, complaints and accusations. By all worldly standards, everything we argued over and said to one another could be justified. If I ran off to tell my girlfriends about it, I'd certainly find several who could jump on the "my husband too!" bandwagon and we could have a grand time of husband bashing. (Praise God, this did not happen.)
Anyway... As I was reading my Ruth study, I came across this:
Luke 9:24, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."
Kelly goes on to write: "You may be laying your life down for your children or maybe for your husband. Perhaps you're about to get married and enter an altogether new level of self-sacrifice. Or maybe you're single and you're giving your life to friendships, family, and ministries. Maybe you've been asked to take care of your parents, or you've taken in a family member, or you've adopted a child. All I know is that laying down our lives for others, for the sake of Jesus, is never wasted. No matter how quiet, how humble, how thankless, God is making a name for you - one that will last an eternity. Go in the sweetness of this truth."
In bold are the precious, convicting, attitude-changing words that smacked me this morning. Our argument was entirely selfish. My desires began with "I want (for me)" and my accusations began with "you (fail)". All I was thinking about was myself, what I wanted, and what I was not willing to sacrifice. I love and adore my husband. I sincerely do try to place his needs above my own, but there are times when I fail miserably to even consider his needs! And when I do that, I am not only failing him, but I am not sacrificing for the sake of my savior, Jesus. I'm just thinking of, and fighting for, Tonya. Not at all self-sacrificing. And, surely, completely wasted.
Lord, create in me a heart that is willing to lose my life - my selfish desires and finicky, ever-changing expectations. Help me to become the godly woman - specifically the godly, self-sacrificing wife - you created me to be. Bless my husband with a loving, pleasing, thoughtful, patient, gentle wife. Amen.