Whoever loses his life for me...

I got a little behind on my Bible study with all the birthday partying last week, and I am so grateful that happened!  If I wasn't behind, the timing for what I read this morning would not have been perfect and it wouldn't have smacked me in the face with marital conviction the way it did this morning.

Bryan and I don't argue often, but we can easily become snippy and impatient.  A few days ago, snippy and impatient boiled over into a full-blown argument, complete with finger pointing, complaints and accusations.  By all worldly standards, everything we argued over and said to one another could be justified.  If I ran off to tell my girlfriends about it, I'd certainly find several who could jump on the "my husband too!" bandwagon and we could have a grand time of husband bashing.  (Praise God, this did not happen.)

Anyway...  As I was reading my Ruth study, I came across this:

Luke 9:24, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."

Kelly goes on to write:  "You may be laying your life down for your children or maybe for your husband.  Perhaps you're about to get married and enter an altogether new level of self-sacrifice.  Or maybe you're single and you're giving your life to friendships, family, and ministries.  Maybe you've been asked to take care of your parents, or you've taken in a family member, or you've adopted a child.  All I know is that laying down our lives for others, for the sake of Jesus, is never wasted.  No matter how quiet, how humble, how thankless, God is making a name for you - one that will last an eternity.  Go in the sweetness of this truth."

In bold are the precious, convicting, attitude-changing words that smacked me this morning.  Our argument was entirely selfish.  My desires began with "I want (for me)" and my accusations began with "you (fail)".  All I was thinking about was myself, what I wanted, and what I was not willing to sacrifice.  I love and adore my husband.  I sincerely do try to place his needs above my own, but there are times when I fail miserably to even consider his needs!  And when I do that, I am not only failing him, but I am not sacrificing for the sake of my savior, Jesus.  I'm just thinking of, and fighting for, Tonya.  Not at all self-sacrificing.  And, surely, completely wasted.

Lord, create in me a heart that is willing to lose my life - my selfish desires and finicky, ever-changing expectations.  Help me to become the godly woman - specifically the godly, self-sacrificing wife - you created me to be.  Bless my husband with a loving, pleasing, thoughtful, patient, gentle wife.  Amen.