I'll be honest... I bought a tiny dress when I was pregnant with Zach. I was convinced he was a girl and was a little sad for about six hours after the ultrasound. No dresses, hair bows, tights, flowers, butterflies...cherries were a popular print back then too. There would be none of that, and I was a little sad. It was baseball season though, so all the baseball clothes, bibs, blankets and stuffed balls quickly diverted my attention.
I was never sad again.
Well, every now and then I'm a little sad when I see Father Daughter dances approaching; but more than anything I'm sad that there are never any Mother Son events. In my spare time, someday I'm going to put an event together. Boy-moms from miles away will come.
As Zach and I shared a seat at the computer tonight I was reminded of how crazy I am about my boys. How blessed I am to have them - to be completely outnumbered, yet perfectly in place. I am so overwhelmingly content and full of joy. We were doing an online science project together for my biology class. It was after bedtime. Luke was sleeping, Bryan was in the basement watching golf. As we did
God so totally knew what he was doing giving me boys. Even though I was once a little girl, I know nothing about them. I didn't do Barbie, baby dolls, or princesses. I played baseball with my brother, rode dirt bikes, and played kick ball. I wore a Star Wars t-shirt in my preschool school picture! Not that I ever liked Star Wars, but I hated everything girlie. I've always enjoyed math, and science experiments interest me far more than tea parties. My boys love science and math...thankfully, they're not so wild about tea pots and crumpets.
I often wonder who my boys will be when they grow up. Tonight it was as if I could hear myself thinking aloud: "Man, I care so much about equipping these boys to one day be wonderful husbands and fathers. He didn't give me daughters, and maybe that's because the best gift I could give a girl is to raise up a qualified man to one day be her husband." As a girl, I did not have a qualified man in my life. I had men who caused a great deal of pain and emptiness. I felt choked up as I thought about the girls my boys will one day marry and have a family with. I pray that my boys will be well-equipped for marriage and family - that they will have seen in their childhood home what faith, love, commitment, sacrifice, provision, contentment and joy really look like so that they will be relationally prepared.
Mothering these guys is among my life's greatest joys. Luke has recently been telling me, "When I grow up, I don't think I will love my wife and kids more than I love you." I assured him that he will love his wife and kids in a way that cannot even be imagined. I am constantly awed by the capacity with which God gave humans to love. And even more awed to know that his capacity is even greater. And perfect.
"Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it." Proverbs 22:6