Harder than it used to be

What was once super easy, is much more of a challenge for me now.

Running.

I started distance running when I was in the 7th grade.  We were supposed to run/walk a mile in PE class and I asked if I could just run the whole thing to get it over with faster.  When assigned ladders on our 8th grade track team, I asked the same thing.  My track coach didn't really care - in fact, he said he didn't think there was any way I could do it - so I did.  I was never the fastest runner, but I enjoyed it and it came easily.  I eventually dropped off the high school track team, but kept running until I was 28.

By that time I'd come to realize that I ran abusively and to avoid having to talk about things.  I abruptly stopped running - and started dealing with life.  But eventually age started catching up with me and I needed to exercise again.  It took a few years to work up the courage to exercise, but I'm doing it.

I want so badly to run again.  I've been training on a treadmill at the gym since mid-February.  I can actually run with endurance and excitement at the gym, but moving outdoors is proving to be much more difficult.  The hills, wind, varying temps, boredom, my hip, allergies ... and the battle I'm losing with my mind ... are just not working in my favor.

At a mile and a half, I texted Bryan.  "I'm dying."  He jokingly texted back, "Want us to come get you?"  (He never thought in a million years that I'd take him up on it.)  I replied, "Yes" and gave my location.  He showed up after I'd gone 1.9 miles.  I could see my neighborhood as I climbed into the van.  It was all downhill from where I was - it was so doable.  I had thrown in the towel between coughs and fear that I would throw up.  Ten minutes later, the nausea passed.  I'm still coughing a little this morning.  I wondered aloud about the coughing maybe being a problem, and Bryan joked that I should just quit running before I kill myself.

I'm not going to quit, but I sure don't remember it being this hard.  I should mention that yesterday was only my second time out this year.  I should give myself a break.  Just like I tell my kids, everything takes time and practice...and no matter how badly you want to be awesome, it doesn't ever just come to anyone.

I'll lace up my shoes and head out again tomorrow, and hopefully I'll go a little farther - or at least not have to call for a ride home. 

I went back and re-read this post about Zach learning to play basketball.  The next time I feel discouraged or want to quit, I need to remember that determination is deciding it's worth it to finish what you've started.

"And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us" ~ Hebrews 12:1

"I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." ~ Phil. 4:13