My most important roles in life are those of wife and mother. In the last few days, anytime Bryan and I have had the slightest disagreement or discussion, Zach has reprimanded me for "arguing" with Daddy. We try to explain that we are not "arguing", but rather discussing something that needs to be resolved. Yesterday it was about Luke demanding that "Mommy will help me", refusing to let Bryan help him in any way. I said that it wasn't fair to me to have to change all the dirty diapers because Luke has decided that HE is MY boy and ZACH is DADDY's boy (Luke's words). Zach thought that was an argument. After Bryan, Zach and I talked, I thought that Bryan and I did a good job of explaining that Mommy and Daddy have to talk about how to parent -- otherwise we'd each be doing our own thing and there would be constant chaos and confusion. But then later he said that "Mommy says Daddy doesn't know how to take care of us." That is NOT what I said, but apparently it's what he understood me to be saying. And I feel that how my kids perceive me is more important than what I actually said or did.
I want so badly for my kids to think of me as a loving, happy, uplifting, encouraging, supportive, generous, and kind woman. I do not want them to view me as a person who beats down rather than builds up. And that's how I feel right now - that Zach thinks I'm beating Daddy down. (Note: Bryan tries to help me explain that Mommy is NOT mistreating him and that we are NOT fighting, but Zach still doesn't seem to understand.) In addition to my desires to be thought of as kind, happy, uplifting, etc., I feel that it is also very important for our children to understand that relationships take work and disagreements can be resolved through discussion. If we don't teach them this in our home, aren't we setting them up for unnecessary difficulty later in life? Our children will learn from US how to be in relationships. But in the midst of those lessons, does Zach realize just how crazy in love I am with his dad? I never let an opportunity pass to tell my guys how much I love them. But, do my actions match?
I will say it again... Parenting is not for the faint at heart.